Hi I suppose this is too Nicola and anyone else who has been in this situation. After reading your story Nicola (which i have read a lot off time's i might add. It's just how did you manage to find yourself such a good man as Alex i hope i have the name right. Reading your story and your post's he seem's to off done nothing but help you not put you down or critised you for having anxiety/panic. All those thing's i had with the bloke i was with infact he said that i had distroyed his life with my anxiety. But i have alway's tried just like you.

We were together for 14 year's and split up in August 2004, because mostly he was a gambler and had lost everything and his favourite saying was I will do what i want when i want. I have had anxiety for about 16 year's. When i first met him he was lovely and he was the love off my life, but gambling and smoking cannibis took over his life and now that is the love of his life and not me.

Anyway back to why i have posted and that is how do people like us ever find anyone who really wants to put up with us?. My boss at work laughing said to me that i will never get shagged again as it would need to be with someone that lived 5 mins away and how was i going to meet that person. I am alot better i do go out and i shall be going to the pub about 10 min taxi ride away tonight. I get so low and i suppose feel sorry for myself as i really do not want to be on my own. I don't want a man just for the sake off it i work now looking after myself and pay my bills i just love someone who is special to me. My kids worry about me and say that it's about time i met someone who really wanted the best for me. I just have not been that lucky i suppose where men are concerned.

But mostly is it possible to meet someone who will take on us. As an example i went on a date with this guy i met of the internet off all the guy's that have said hello to me he turned out to be the nicest. But i never told him about the anxiety which is not like me as i usually say straight away but he told me about his wife who had a mental problem and had made his life a misery to the extent that she could not look after the children and she was now living on the streets as she would not take her meds. So i just thought i cannot tell him about me he will think what the xxxx have i got myself involed with here. So i just cooled things without saying anything.

So do you tell straight away? Do you meet and then tell as if you tell straight away it might put them off you before you have even meet them. Gosh so many questions. I feel perhaps i am always going to be on my own how can i let someone get close to me, when i still stuggle so much. My story off anxiety is just like your's Nicola and i feel it will always be with me. Even though i am so much better and i have to keep telling myself that.

One more thing about the driving thing. I did have lesson's about 17 years ago when i was still with my husband but i had a knock and he did nothing but yell and shout at me i never got into a car again after that. Now my son has said he is going to buy me lesson's for my birthday in August. But who will teach me when i am frightend off going far from home. If i tell the driving instructer he will think what's this looney doing in my car. But i really would love to learn to drive. Anyway anyone one who reads this rambling and gets to the end thanks and any advise would be lovely.

Take care
Pauline