worried about what people think

[Candiflare]

One of the root causes of my anxiety and panic (there are many, but I'm trying to divide and conquer here!) is extreme anxiety about what people think. It makes me expend huge amounts of energy trying to keep people happy, giving up my power to them, lying to make them like me more, taking extreme measures to change their opinions and harmonise with them to make them want to know me. I think it may just lie in a fear of being isolated/abandoned. I spend hours at home worrying about what others are saying and thinking, and I know, rationally that I give far too much credit to the thoughts/authority of others than is deserved. The only problem is that no therapist I've seen (I've had 3 over my lifetime) has been able to explain to me exactly why I shouldn't worry what others are thinking. They have said "not everybody is going to like you all of the time." But what consolation is this? It's just confirming my fear. Surprisingly, I don't feel this with my boyfriends, because I have always lived with them and known what they are thinking all the time. I have felt in "control" of their perceptions because I've been with them and able to ask. I even ask them about imaginary scenarios and then what would they think/do?

Can anyone suggest steps I can take or thoughts I can have to start dealing with this problem?

[purplehaze]

I think the first step is to love yourself and look at the positives within who you are.
Low-selfesteem is common and this looks very much like this. Most people want to be liked(well unless your noel edmonds:-0)

When we look for approval from others, we are in a sense giving them control over how we feel and value their opinions more than our own. I think this is something that will take you believing what the therapists are saying and the more you accept it the easier it will become

[mau]

Can anyone suggest steps I can take or thoughts I can have to start dealing with this problem?

I hide behind my whacky choice of footwear / hair colour.

These are things I can control and know will spark a reaction. Thus deflecting attention from the things that I cannot control or cope with.