Hi, I'm quite new here. I've just introduced myself in one of the other threads, but my name is Katie and I am in my 20's. Basically, my situation is the following:

For quite some time, I have had issues with depression and anxiety and that has manifested in many different ways. I've never been too sure how to deal with it, but I have a couple of times approached my doctor for help and have once been referred to a counsellor (I couldn't attend, I was at university at the time) and other times just talked to them about what I have been feeling. I don't really feel like much of it has helped, but that's partly because I don't think I've ever been brave enough to tell them exactly how I feel.

My current problem is that I have started a new job (I have been there a couple of weeks now) and I am not coping at all well. Ironically, my employers actually seem to like me, which makes me feel bad that I don't want to be there. It's a quite methodical and high pressured job at times, and even though I am still training for it, I don't feel like I can cope with everything, or take it all in. I am worried about being judged or 'told off' for something I do wrong, or that I'll mess up so badly that I'll ruin something for someone or one of my colleagues.

I have never been on medication for my problems, but I'm wondering if I should go to the doctor and ask about this now, because I'm clearly not coping as I should be. Even the thought of going on a training course soon is scaring me, and I don't want to feel that way. What's been happening since I've started the job is that I've had nightmares about it, and woken up a couple of times having panic attacks. I've never had them with that frequency before, it's always been random, maybe five or six over the past three or four years. I feel like if I keep going like this, trying to 'mindpower' my way through it, I might be making things worse for myself and everyone else in the long term. Also, I'm starting to get headaches when I come home from work, which could be a bubbling problem as I have suffered from migraines in the past (recent past, last two years mainly). Additionally, I have been feeling physical pain in my limbs the past few days, and I'm wondering if this might be related to my emotional state? Has anyone else ever experienced this?

I had another job that I ended last year, as I was treated quite badly by some staff members and I felt like I was left with no choice but to leave the job by the end of it. I don't feel like I have been able to properly deal with the issues from that, and maybe I'm associating my problems there with my new job.

I'm thinking about visiting my doctor. I don't know if I want to be on medication, but I know I can't keep going on like this. I think I might end up being signed off work if I do speak to the GP, and I can't work out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm scared of disappointing my family as well, because they don't know about my problems and I know they want to be proud of me and I want them to be proud of me as well.

Also, I'm worried that my doctor will just think I'm trying to get out of having to work, because I have only been at my job for a short time. He/she might think I am lazy and want to live off benefits or something like that. I'm just regretting taking the job that I have and I'm scared of disappointing so many people. I've walked out on jobs in the past because I haven't been able to cope with them and I don't want to keep on doing that.

If anyone can give me some advice, I would very much appreciate it. I'm just not sure what to do for the best. I am sorry if this isn't exactly the correct place to post this, and that it is so long-winded, but like I said I'm new here !

Katie. xo.