Help. Im killing my marrage with my insecurities

[PoppyC]

Everyone has their own opinion which they are entitled to, whatever subject it may be about.
Captain America - Good post!

[psychocandy]

Everyone has their own opinion which they are entitled to, whatever subject it may be about.
Captain America - Good post!

Exactly. Thats my point.

When I was having a bad time I found it even worse when people said things like 'I wouldnt let her do that' for things which some people found OK and some people objected to.

My point is that if you dont think its OK, then thats your personal preference, but remember that someone anxious/depressed is likely to pick up on the 'worst'.

For instance, if I explained what my wife was doing, 499 people might say its all OK, but I'd believe the one who said I wouldnt let my wife do that in case she had an affair !!!!

[PoppyC]

Actually if I were having marriage difficulties I wouldnt pay one bit of attention to what strangers on the net were saying! Its a very personal matter between 2 people and we also dont get to hear the other partners side of things.
I am not just going to say what people want to hear to make them feel better when I think the opposite. Its better to be honest whatever your opinion and if someone asks for my opinion then that is what they get. I would expect honest answers if I asked for someones opinion - not some false sugar coated reply to make me feel better.

[Captain America]

psychocandy you're right, and i agree with you even if my post seems to contradict that. what you said about responsibility the next day is exactly what the problem is with coming in so late. it didn't used to be until we had children. i could come in at 7 for all she cared, and vice versa. but as we got older and late nights started taking their toll, we'd lay in bed all day and the other parent would have to do everything. it's not good for the kids either when they start to get a little older and don't understand why mommy's 'sick' again.

so yeah, the time thing was more about parental responsibility than the cheating aspect. and to be honest, odds are that someone coming in at 4 is a bit more loaded than the one who's home by midnight. it's not always true, but...

as far as the advice on here, it's true that a lot of the time anxious and depressed people only hear the negative. but this shouldn't be never never land either. part of recovery is acknowledging that bad things can and do happen, and it's sometimes harmful to fail to acknowledge that.

well sorry i think i've gone too far off point, and i haven't seen a post from alan on here in a while.

alan i hope you're getting through okay. sorry if we've gone on a bit here.

[Captain America]

and ooops, i think i did it again.

i apologize in advance for this: "but this shouldn't be never never land either. part of recovery is acknowledging that bad things can and do happen"

that's just my opinion. results not typical, your mileage may vary, etc...

[PUGLETMUM]

ha ha, yeah looks like alan may well have got sick of our advice and gone off to sort out his problems himself!