Why Us? Why? I Need Help

[jonnyboy99]

I had a really good night last night. Felt no anxiety, was calm and felt happy. I was laughing and listening and talking. I had a friend over whom understands me and is comforting. And then this morning I felt terrible. Panic and anxiety set in right when I woke up and stuck with me pretty much all day. My heart is pounding. I feel weak in the knees and hands. Sweating, racing thoughts and an overall feeling of impending doom. I try and tell myself its anxiety , but no matter what I think, my brain tells me its something different . I try and try and cannot make myself feel better. I just try and sleep and hope that I wake up feeling normal again. But then I sleep, wake up and its still there. I don’t know if the meds are not working or am I gonna be like this for the rest of my life. I was scared to go to sleep last night. I felt like its was my last day on this planet and didn’t want it to end. And of course, it did. Why cant I stay feeling like I did last night? Why does this have to be this way for me? I have shut out my friends and family and cant even see my own 6 year old son. Ty is my life, my boy, a part of me that is so innocent and healthy. He does not deserve to have a father who is like this. He deserves a normal father like Lyndon or Rob. I cant take him to the park or skating or anything at all. It is ruining me. I just want to be a normal man. I cant eat properly, I cant work properly, I cant function in my everyday life. It is ridiculous. I constantly think I am dying or that these feelings I have will stay with me forever. I could not live with these feelings. Death would be better. I don’t wish this disorder upon anyone. I sometimes wish I had an actual physical illness. Then people would understand better. They cant understand my feelings and my state of mind when to them, I look normal and healthy. When in reality , I am in a constant battle in my mind. Sometimes I cant even cry. Like I have no emotions. I want this to go away. And fast. I am gonna lose everything and anyone that loves and cares about me. And this disorder is so evil , that it will give me 8 hours of peace and greatness, and then take it all away from me!!

[Squindered]

I've only just joined the site myself so dont claim to be an expert on anything, but talking as someone who has had father issues, the fact that you care so much about you son shows just how much of a deserving father you are.
I also feel the same way about people being able to understand a physical illness but not something like anxiety which they cant see, but if you shut people out (like i do as well) it just makes it harder for them to understand.

[Jhey]

I have just joined also, but that brought a tear to my eye, I feel exactly the same (except the having a son thing, i'm only 19) but it makes me feel better knowing that there are people out there that have suffered from this, and can spread their wisdom...
I can totally understand what you mean when people don't understand how you feel, but I do, it may not mean much but I do, and you're not alone... And I bet there are many other people that do