I'm really quite low. Really low and again I have came on here cos I dunno where else to go.
I've suffered depressin aond anxiety for as long as I can remember,got sent ot my first doc when I was about 12 or 13.
Round about the same time I had my first bout of HA and was convinced I had a tumour in my neck.
It seemd to subside though but as I have got older it's all just got worse and a doc had thought I had some BPD traits and OCD aswell.
I got put on prozac and that made me worse..then I got puton floxetine or something and that did nothing and citaolpram which made me numb as hell. And when coming off it gave me really violent mood swings.
"They" decided to take me off of everything cos I was" not alwasy depressed"
I have just got worseover time. I don't know what to do. And my HA is through the roof and it's affecting me mightily.
It's affecting all my relationships.
The latest was my ankle and I asked my mum and she just looked and went" Oh don't start about something else"
I was supposed to be goingout with my partner last night for an evening out together and as I got into town he text and said he was going to be half an hour late,and I text and said,"are you kidding?What am I to do for half an hour up here at this time on my own? I'm already anxious as it is"
I eventually got the nerv to go into the bar we were going to and went to the bathroom and as I walked past I(thankfully) banged into two of my other friends so I was actually able to sit with them for twenty mins or so..but my partner didn't come out til about an hour later.
So I felt like I imposed on my friends evening,I was embarassed that it looked like I was stood up and when he eventually arrived,we argued...and when we got taxi home,it just got worse. He shouted at me in taxi,"Aw you're mental Amy,f**k off and go see a doctor"
When I got out taxi I was in tears and didn't want to go home and give my mum and dad more reason to get annoyed at me.
It kind of sounds trivial I guess what I'm going on about. I know there's alot worse things going on in the world but I am in alot of pain and I'm seriouslythinking of doing something to myself but part of it is because I'm scared of dying. I keep thinking I have cancer or some horrible disease also and if it was the case I would kill myself but it's the dying that I'm scared of.
I don't think this makes sense.
I feel very alone. And I really don't know who to speak to.
I dialed 999 last week after my partner ambushed me from a night out wondering what happened to me etc ( ? ) and I couldn't take it and I phoned them telling them I was thinking bad thoughts and two police came out and said they would take me to hospital but they might not do anything for me cos I had had a drink.. I should have did it when I was sober.. I mean what the hell is that? Drunk people don't need help either apparantly.
Drunk,sober.. I have no help.
Nothing
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter