Still don't know what to do

[ipanicbadly]

Can't believe I am asking you guys again. But my fears just dont seem to be subsiding this time when usually I can get over them pretty quick. Still keep thinking I am a homicidal maniac. My thoughts seem to be taking every minute of the day getting so depressed and fed up with it now. Seem to have convinced myself that I will be acting on these violent thoughts shortly and its mostly all focussed towards my daughter which I would never want to hurt her. Every thought surrounds violence and how I can hurt people and I seem to be panicking non stop. Feeling very depressed and suicidal and just can't seem to get out of this slump. Dont want to be around anyone at the moment for fear of hurting them. Can anyone relate and offer any advice to get out of this and scared of committing suicide or hurting anyone how do I know I wont act on this. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!

[goldilockz]

You don't know that you won't hurt anyone, no one does. You need to be at peace with the uncertainty that goes with these thoughts for them to finally subside. Have you been using the techniques I suggested in a previous post? The fact that these thoughts seem to be with you every second of the day doesn't make them likely to happen. Have you tried occupying yourself?

[pudding02]

Ipanicbadly i can really relate to what you have said.infact i cood of wrote it myself.after a previous post i made a man called charles linden posted a link to a youtube video he had made and it rele helped me to listen to this as i had never had it explained to me why our brains do this before (not even by a professional i had been seeing). I am obviously not completely cured-some days i still have these violent thoughts directed towards the person i know i love most in the world but it has noticably lessoned and i am starting to really enjoy time with this person again.I found that as soon as I tried to stop fighting these thoughts and just let myself feel for this person that the love i have for them has kinda kicked the ocd's arse so to speak.I know its hard but try to relax- LAUGH at these thoughts if you have to!!they are not real!!you love your daughter!!thats REAL!!!and u owe it to urself and to her not to let this nasty ILNESS ruin your lives!
Sometimes when i let myself get really low I worry that this isnt ocd or anxiety at all- that instead i am a complete lunatic that needs to be locked up...sound familiar??
becoz iv read alot of posts and articles that people with ocd worry that they have had a wrong diagnosis and are infact capable of these violent thoughts...but we cant all be mad can we??!!not all of the doctors that have told us what we have can be wrong can they??!!Its OCD..dont get me wrong its still a rubbish thing to have to put up with..but thats all it is!!

I really hope you can move on with your life!!Dont be frightened anymore!!Thats the way to beat it!!!

xxx

[goldilockz]

Just to let you know, I'm about to post some interesting information on pure O on my other thread 'help with Pure O' that might be of interest to you. Please let us know how you're getting on xxx

[ipanicbadly]

I just read some of the other post on pure O and find myself trying to tackle this by spending more time with my daughter and I just spent half an hour alone with her and felt the urge to hurt her. I feel guilty for spending time with her because I think what if I act out these thoughts and I keep thinking maybe I want to spend time with her in order to hurt her? Because my thoughts keep saying things like Hurt her go on do it you know you want to and things like this? Is this part of OCD????

[goldilockz]

Hi there,
It depends on whether you are able to change the thought or not. If you hear that thought saying 'hurt her' are you able to say before it 'don't' as in 'don't hurt her?' or are you hearing the voices as external to yourself? Have you spoken to a doctor or psychologist about this? I think it would help.

[ipanicbadly]

I was able to change the thought by saying to myself dont hurt her but when you are experiencing the thought it just seems so real. I was so panicky last night that I called the doctor who assured that I would not act on these thoughts and I am lucky to have a wonderful supporting partner who understands. I am undergoing treatment but it takes so long that I just wish I could be cured overnight. I am very impatient. The voices are not external merely just thoughts but sometimes your thoughts can be so loud it almost feels like they are external.

[goldilockz]

It sounds as if you're going through a rough stage, I've been there and can sympathise. No matter how loud the thoughts, no matter how much they scream and shout, you'll never give in to them because you know that protecting your daughter is more important than getting rid of the bully that is OCD. I would recommend the book 'the Imp of the Mind' by Lee Baer as he explains a great deal about mothers having the impulse to harm their children. It seems you're a bit more positive today. Just bear in mind that this will pass, I promise you. xxx

[ipanicbadly]

I went right off the scale last night was panicking so badly could not even be in the same room as my daughter, could not look at her and really felt like I would act on these called the doctors out of hours cause just could not cope. Feeling better today but now worried of a reoccurence cause my little girl has gone to daddy since early this morning and will return tomorrow afternoon and petrified these thoughts will return. Can anyone relate to this? The thoughts are not so bad when she is not around but when she comes back I am absolutely petrified they will return.

[starlight78]

I so feel for you.. it must be so horrible for you not to be able to enjoy being with your daughter. People that do hurt children dont feel guilty about it or try to stop themselves.

The fact that the thoughts distress you so much shows that you would be the last person to hurt a child.

What you are experiencing is OCD, intrusive thoughts and the type you are having is extremely common amongst parents..

Most people have strange intrusive thoughts, but most people give them no head space.. people with anxiety disorders interpret them as significant and it is that that is the problem, not the thought.

I know how difficult it is, but try not to push the thoughts away or try not to think them because it will just increase your anxiety.. accept them as a very horrible symptom of anxiety and OCD and carry on regardless.. also try not to avoid spending time with your daughter as it will make it worse. xx