A look at happiness & what it means for me

[melody]

If I were healthy I would feel confident within myself. If someone put me down I would feel indifference if it were untrue. If it were true I would take it on as something I may do better next time, it would not need to hurt.

I could go up to anyone & start a conversation, I wouldn't think too hard about all that I had said to desperately search for what I did wrong because I would not feel afraid of rejection. I could admit anything & not feel remorse, or I could choose not to say anything personal at all. It would no longer have as much importance. I would be able to see the bigger picture all the time, without constantly having to remind myself. That the little things that seem so daunting, are actually as unimportant as the clouds that softly waft overhead, before evaporating into the gentle breeze.

I could glance at the past with realism & patience. It would no longer cause me to cringe, feel remorse or dwell upon my supposed errors of judgement. I could forget that I'm not perfect, as noone is, & my self doubt would fade away into the distance of history. I would be forgiven by my cruelest master, myself.

Life would slow down,as there would be no urgency any longer.... my thoughts would slow & calm..... my body would stop clenching all over....I would feel lighter... challenges would become exciting & give me a sense of fun & awe.... I wouldn't feel I needed to work so hard all the time.... I would not need to feel shame over things i said, tears i shed, fear i felt. Noone would tell me to snap out of anything, if they did i would tell them where to go. For each of us has the right to feel our feelings in any way we see fit. Other people may have the right to be bossy & think they get it better when they never went through it. We have the right to act in any way we feel is right without the need for explanations.

I realigned my chakras today. It's a yoga/hippy thing & I was sceptical, but clearly my thoughts are freer & I can see that we can choose, even when it feels like we can't, so long as we have patience. meditation is a great healer with practice.

Feel free to post with your wishful thinking of the future. It feels good to do so. It gives a taste of what it will be like when the hard times inevidibly pass through time & disappear on the road behind us as lessons hard learned.

Melody

[Tori Frances]

If I were happy I could calmly exist in this moment and walk into the next moment with confidence. I could eat, hug, read a paper when I felt like it and experience pleasure from it. I could dream about the future and be remember the past with pride or having learnt something from it. I could really engage in what others said to me, and engage in a world thats not all about my illness.

[melody]

Hi Tori,

Thankyou, that's a beautiful dream. I believe if we can hold onto our dreams, in time they come true. I wish for this dream of yours, that it may come true in time

I think it is possible to live in a reality where each moment may seperate from the last. I think it is the hard road. Where we can hold our heads proud. We can experience pleasure or pain, neither is right or wrong.

It's weird. I felt like I had no strength left.I read an article about meditating for an hour a day. I did one 45min meditation one day & a half hour meditation the next. I feel like a new person. It showed me what I knew but did not believe. The things I fear the most are no more than temporary challenges to pass through. I must allow myself to rest my mind to be strong. I held onto old emotions trying to make myself strong, but it made me weak. You can use meditation to safely experience emotions, or to let them melt away & escape from their prison. You can use it to blank out the mind, or to picture fantasy or pretty things. If I ask myself things when in this relaxed state, I get answers from a different part of my brain. I can feel at peace & it can last long after I finish meditating.

Clearly I am in one of my idealistic moods. I think if I keep up practicing meditation it will become easier to be in control of my emotions in time. It's about practicing if I feel terrible & if I feel good. It teaches discipline of the mind. I would like to aim to practice for half an hour a day for at least 5 days/wk.

I know this won't make sense to many. I had to share it. I used to think meditation didn't work. I kept trying. It's a discipline. Anyone who perseveres can get good at it with practice. I think I have come to a new level with it & that's why I've felt good for longer than usual & felt better equipped to act strong & reject certain thoughts for now at least.

Thankyou, feel free to post any dreams, or any other comments about anything you like if this made you feel anything.

Wishing you happiness & peace

Melody