Can you really trust anyone?

[Starsky]

Thanks for all the replies

[xBettyBoopx]

Hi Starsky

Apart from a couple of things, I could have written this myself. I too have a victim mentality, but I also have had people leave me for no apparent reason all my life. I am alone as well, no friends, small family don't want to know me. Made redundant from 4 jobs over people when I know I was the better worker, rejected from boyfriends, husband etc etc. It makes you start to wonder if it's you or maybe all these people are just nasty. It makes me wonder if I have 'doormat' or 'reject' written on my forehead.

Unfortunately I don't have an answer & I too have been wondering lately if being alone isn't such a bad thing, after all these people all let me down, right? I know I have let people down too & I'm not innocent in all this. I'm sure you feel the same way!

I too have been in contact with someone (not on here), then was not well & didn't contact for a week. Emailed her & apologised, but she obviously is deliberately not answering back. Now, I had my reasons of being ill, but she is just being spiteful, right?

To be honest, I think it's 50-50. 50% you can't trust SOME people and 50% they don't give a rats arse!!!

Sorry to be blunt, but I've had many years of it & am at the stage now where, oh well they can go & leave me, I'm waiting for the last one, then guess what? I'll have NOTHING left to lose.

Els
xxx

[chris2009]

i have to agree Ive found in my short life (17 years) people either tend to desert you or something happens and your left alone anyway either way i find isolation as an inevitability so why fight it?
people tend to be judgmental,fickle and incoherent
well most of the peole ive met anyway...
chris

[Gem86]

Hi there,

I have found the same things in my life really, i was always bullied at school for being bigger then the skinny popular kids and had few friends, not through lack of trying.
But the friends i did have or so called friends just seemed to use me untill something better came along, i was taught that you should keep your friends secrets and try to never leave them out, but no matter how hard i tried i would always be stabbed in the back.
I had 1 person i thought was my best friend for years she was alot larger then me so i knew it was hard for her as men seemed to pick on her, so i wouldnt let anybody hurt her feelings or put her down she was a great person, but even she left after years of friendship.
I did everything for her helped her move house 3 times, pick up her new puppy, even move to the seaside when she left, but even she just used me for what she could get untill she didnt want me anymore.
Why do people like that have to be so cruel, i never asked for anything from her except to be a good friend to me.
So why is it me that always get used and tossed away???????

[melody]

Hi,

I used 2 think I wanted the answers. Once or twice I got the answers.

Who wants to be told I push my depression onto my friend because I tried to help them get out of the house? Who wants to be told I am intolerant because I have my own views & won't accept others know everything? Who wants to be told I am a copout because I don't know how to stop feeling depressed just because someone demands I should, just because they can, even though they were never depressed?

Sometimes it's better not to know other people's irrational reasonings. It doesn't make sense to them either, but they can't help it! When my neighbour made me feel panic because she described things hurtful & wouldn't stop when I said to, I could not say it. I knew it would hurt her as much as I felt she hurt me. I couldn't do it. Who is to say who is most irrational. That's the way it goes when u admit deep things

Those r my lessons hard learned anyways. It takes two. Don't take all of the blame!

[purplehaze]

I feel trust is something that we give or is something people gain from us.
Most people at one time in their life get the wrong end of the stick (never really knew what that meant)
Friends and family can let us down but in all honesty I think we can still trust.
I have a great pal heather and we trust each other with everything. In fact we know we can call each other at any time and we will be there for each other. I have also met people on here that are trust worthy...pooh and flymo for example and many others.

Dont be put off by bad experiences

I can hold my hands up and admit I have let people down from time to time but I try not to.

[Carefree]

Trust isn't an absolute, and this is where people get hurt - everyone will break your trust given a demanding set of circumstances. Part of growing up is that realisation, and setting boundaries in relationships so trust doesn't become a big issue.

As a small example, you wouldn't give a person you just made friends your watch for a week? Of course not, there's too much of an opportunity for them to break your trust.

The same goes with your emotional assets, you don't hand those over freely to anyone. Set the boundaries, and trust doesn't become an issue. That way you can take control, and go out and enjoy meeting new people at face value. If we go out looking for some sort of special soulmate relationship with every person we meet - we're in for a very disappointing ride

[PoppyC]

Good answer, Carefree!
Personally speaking I think that there are very people in life who are trustworthy.
I may be cynical but in my own experience during my life to date I have been proved right and I am sure this is one of the reasons why I don't have time for people and prefer animals, and why I push people away and won't let them get close to me.
I have 2 people who I feel I can trust, in my life.

[PoppyC]

Hi Starsky
I just read your first message on this thread again and your reply too.
I feel that maybe you are feeling let down because people have come and gone on this site, who you got to know, but the thing is people on here have their own issues that they are dealing with too and even if people have become friendly it doesn't mean that they are close friends. Try not taking it so personally - I don't mean that horribly - I know that I am super sensitive to how others treat me and I can over react.
Maybe you are expecting too much of people that you chat too on here. I think it is a good place to get friendly with people as we all have similar issues in common, but take it at all at face value too. If a friendship arises then that's an added bonus but if not then don't let it upset you too much.
I don't have a lot of time for people but I do know that there are good people in the world too - not everyone is bad - and am I so perfect anyway myself? I know for a fact how I am with my anxiety, changes the way I view people. If I am having a good day - I love everyone - and if I am having a bad day, then everyone in the world is horrid and nasty!
You say you live in almost complete isolation. I don't know your circumstances but maybe if you are not seeing people on a regular basis then you can get too attached to people online. I can understand that though. There are a lot of lonely people out there who turn to the internet and who would be lost without the social aspect of it.
Please don't put yourself down as you do! Do you seriously think you are 'so odious that people cant bare to be around you??'?, are 'dull' and an 'oddball'??? Why? What makes you think that?
Think of some of your positive qualities. I am sure you have them.
Keep posting

[Worrier]

Hi Starsky,

Wow you seem to be having a real hard time of it. My own experience is that I moved away from UK to the USA 16 years ago and left behind friends that I had had for a LONG time. I have never felt so let down by people in my life. I called, wrote letters, sent cards and didn't hear back from hardly anybody. Seems like it was too much effort to call or write.

After a while I decided that I did not need people like that in my life and stopped all contact. It was so hurtful to begin with (and still is if I really think about it) but honestly I came to the conclusion that I did not deserve to be treated like that and it wasn't my fault.

I had another friend (who lives in the States not too far from me now) and we had been friends for over 20 years. She was supposed to come and visit me on my 40th birthday, never called or made arrangements and another person called and said she was coming to visit. So the first "Friend" called and left a message 2 days before my birthday weekend and said she was coming. I left her a message saying ok cool and that another person was coming too so we could all have fun together. The next message I received from the first friend was that she couldn't believe I would treat her that way and she never wanted to talk to me again. WHAT! I thought about it and I truly believe that she thought I would call and apologise (tho don't know what for) and I decided that was enough. No more of this crap. So come July 1st this year it will be 5 years since we have talked.

So believe me I know how you feel. I am not sure what the answer is just that I know now not to surround myself with worthless people.

Anyway that is my contribution to this issue.

Take care and look in the mirror once in a while and tell yourself you are worthy and deserve to be treated in a kind and caring manner.

Would love to hear your thoughts or any comments you may have.

Natalie x