Terrified of Dying

[David_mk09]

Hey Everyone,

For the past two weeks 24/7, I have been terrified of dying at any second.
I did have a huge panic attack that lasted 6 hours a month ago and think it does stem from that but my disorder has now got so much worse.

I feel my whole body is shutting down as my loss of appetitie and terrified to sleep is making me so exhausted that im getting ready for death every second of the day.
Now from what I can gather im a relatively healthy and fit 21 year old and two weeks ago I was fine, confident individual and now and im a wreck, constantly at home on the sofa, not wanting to leave the house thinking I will die any second or have an attack outside the house.
My breathing gets funny, twinges in my chest, arms feel numb or uncomfortable and head completely full of thoughts but no headache so so far i feel ive got cancer, heart problems or a brain tumour. I know I sound so crazy.
Can someone please just assure me this is all to do with anxiety and panic attacks especially as they are going on 24/7 and cant leave the house?
Much appreciated

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi David , It does sound like anxiety and panic to me , have you seen your GP about this ? You can get meds to help you in the meantime . I totally know where you are coming from . Years ago when my anxiety started i was terrified to bath my baby incase i died during bathing and he drowned ! Like you i had a major panic attack not long after he was born and that started the whole thing of, it then progressed to being scared to drive the car in case i died whilst driving. It's a horrible terrifying feeling and i sympathise with you. You are NOT going to die during these panics. it just doesnt happen. And your physical symptoms are a result of the panic , your thoughts are indeed " normal" during a panic attack. Just try to concentrate on slowing your breathing down, tell yourself over and over it is not life threatening, because it isnt. You need to get some help to get through this , your doctor is the starting point. Remember you are a healthy 21 yr old your not going to die of this i promise you . Look at me im still here years on Good Luck Love Paige x

[David_mk09]

Hi Paige,

Thank you so much for replying, its so nice to speak to someone who does actually understand.
At the moment I guess I consider myself housebound as these thoughts are with me every 2 seconds and even at some points I prepare myself for death but nothing has happened in the past week so very much doubt something so sudden could happen.
I does stem back from my Mum dying im sure and watching her go painfully over a period of 12 hours, its strange as I feel im having the same symptoms she had which relates so much.
It just seems to be ruining my life, I had a great day yesterday, managed to spend 5 hours out of the house but still yet to go back to work fulltime.
Im guessing its extremely normal to be so exhausted from thinking about this 24/7 especially with not going out and not really eating much?
I dont have an incredibly high heart rate but sometimes feel trouble with breathing and very very dizzy.
Is it normal to have a panic attack with just a few of the symptoms?

[PoppyC]

Hi David
You sound like you have anxiety and panic disorder. You have all the classic symptoms but maybe you should go and see your gp to have him/her diagnose you. Have you been to your gp regarding this?
The exact same thing happened to me and I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder/free floating anxiety.I was having several panic attacks a day . I became very ill due to it all and was constantly sick and lost a lot of weight. I became agoraphobic and I am now overcoming that as I am getting better.
I am now much much better,so there is hope and you wont always be like how you are now.
Your fear of dying is a very common symptom of anxiety. I used to have that as well.
Lots of people get anxiety and especially these days - just look at the amount of people on this 1 site alone - and a lot of people do recover.
Your gp may offer you medication to help you and counselling.
Can you think of anything that may have triggered you anxiety? work? studying? relationship? anything from the past?
What helped me the most I think was reading all there was about anxiety and as I read up about it and became more informed I found that was happening to me became less scary, as I knew why I was feeling like I was. I found that a healthy diet, exercise and getting out in the fresh air and walking - even if it was just into the garden, stopping drinking and smoking, making sure I got enough sleep, and basically learning how to relax and not get so stressed about things really helped. Medication and counselling (CBT) have helped me a lot too. I know you are finding it difficult to sleep but if you can, then sleep will help you an awful lot. My anxiety is much worse if I don't get enough sleep.
There are a lot of very posts on this site which I am sure will be of help to you and also there are a lot of lovely caring people on the site who will be able to relate to what you are going through and will offer their help.
Keep posting and let us know how you are.

[David_mk09]

Oh and ive been to the doctors and they have put me on sertraline but only been on them for 3-4 days so far and going to start counselling and possibly book an appointment with someone relevant with CBT.
Im just so tired and desperate to have a sleep without being scared of not waking up and immediately feeling the fear when I wake up :-(

[David_mk09]

Thank you Poppy.
This is the best website I have found, although I do have panic attacks whilst browsing the forums, I do also calm down alot for a short period as know that alot of this is in the mind and physical symptoms.
All I crave is peaceful sleeps and know there is a resolution and I can be a normal 21 year old again, I miss just going out, being social, my friends do their best but dont truly understand.
Because of the fear of death and the fact I feel it may happen 24/7, the only resolution I can see sometimes is I will eventually pass away, but your comments do truly help, realising this is all part of the panic disorder and not a serious deadly illness.

[PoppyC]

Hi David (again)
As I posted my last message to you, I noticed that you had replied again to the previous post from Paige.
You mentioned your mum passing away. I am so sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to add, that my Dad died in December suddenly, and seeing him and all the rest just brought back all my old anxiety symptoms and I felt I was slipping back to how I had been last year. I was having truly awful morbid thoughts of death, everything seemed so dark and I questioned what was the point of life, I had all the old anxiety symptoms return and lots more....It took 4 weeks for my Dad to be cremated as there were a lot of people dying back then and during those 4 weeks whilst my Dad was in the hospital mortuary, I went through hell, with the fear of dying thoughts. It was truly horrific and I knew if I didnt get help sooner or later I would run the risk of going back to how I had been.
It think is very natural to feel these things after someone you love has passed on. You are grieving and the feelings do need to be addressed and recognised as being natural and part of the healing process. For me anyway I saw my gp and I told him I felt I was relapsing and he offered me medication and it has helped so much.
I suppose if I had not had my breakdown last year I could have got through how I was feeling after my Dad passed away but I didn't want to take that chance, not after last years events. I am now so much better. You will feel better eventually and be able to get back out there socialising with your friends and living the life of a 21 year old again.
I have my own spiritual views now on death and life after death and that has helped me massively. I have read some very good books and online websites about it all. It did take away a lot of the fear for me.
It may well be that how you are feeling is all related to how you feel about your mum. Do you have anyone you can confide in and talk to about it all?

[David_mk09]

I think they must be related, ive also had a close friend dying of cancer whos only 24 and now I guess health anxiety along with the panic attacks is very possible.
Its strange how I talk alot of sense but it doesnt recognise in my brain.
I also feel at the moment that there isnt much sense to my life at the moment, my job is difficult which doesnt help panic, i dont have much family and my friends do their best but I feel very lost.
I did struggle with life after my Mum died in 2006, financially, emotionally but didnt truly grieve i dont think.
I get so frustrated that 2 weeks ago I was bouncing and confident and relatively enjoying life and now I feel im having a breakdown.
Ive been tempted to ring NHS Direct again but I know what their answers will be, even tho I feel my body shutting down Im sure it would be more painful if it was lethal!
I look forward to the day I can breath normally, feel fresh and relaxed and go out for long periods and just enjoy myself

[Vanilla Sky]

Everyones panics are different David, some people get every symptom going and others get very few physical and more mental stuff. It's good you have seen doc and have started taking something, i'm not familiar with sertraline so i don't know if they work for anxiety straight away , if its not then go back to your GP and ask if there is anything else you can get untill the sertraline kicks in. I am so sorry about your mum and i do think thats the underlying cause . Sometimes we don't or can't grieve at the time , but sooner or later it catches up with you. I know how you feel a family member of mine died an awful death , i wish i never saw it because i think about that to this day. With your friend dying it has thrown up the feelings of your mum and with him being young you have realised it could happen to you . But it won't , you are not ill hon and even if you were it doesn't mean your going to die . Also not sleeping and not eating does have an effect on anyone. You should ask to be referred for counselling, it helps to talk your feelings out. I think we all go through phases of thinking about dying thats a normal part of life but like myself yours has spiralled out of control and your stuck in fear. It will get better David, when you get into the chatroom , feel free to private message me if you want to have a chat Paige x