Hi everyone
I'll try and keep this short.
I have suffered with anxiety for over 30 years which I didn't know, i always thought it was panic attacks, but since having 2 panic attacks last year and eventually going to the GP, he diagnosed General Anxiety Disorder and Depression.I was prescribed 20mg of citalopram a day. I was signed off work at the end of July, and haven't been back since. My employers insisted on formal meetings of which there were 3 between September and November. Each meeting really stressed me for days before and days after, and was even worse at the actual meetings - which were thankfully at our house. To cut a long story short, as the depression and anxiety seemed to consume me, I turned to alcohol, more so after the last meeting I had with work. The more I got depressed and anxious the more I drank. The more I drank the more I got depressed and anxious. It was a vicious circle that I couldn't get out of. Some days I just wanted to stay under the duvet forever. I'd had difficulty enough before to go shopping etc (would only with my hubby - Stewart). I could never get on a bus. But eventually I could no longer walk very far from my house,if at all.
Eventually, the alcohol took it's toll - I was still taking citalopram as well in double the dose I had started on - which wasn't very clever at all. I got rushed to hospital on 3rd January. My kidneys had stopped andI had liver failure. My consultant recently told me that when I was admitted that there was an 80% chance that I would die and he wasn't very hopeful!! I was there for just over 3 weeks, When I came home I couldn't walk without a zimmer frame nor get upstairs for quite a while. My negative thoughts became anxiousness about my liver, which I'm pleased to say is now recovering quite well. My kidneys are also fine. There are still a few things I can't do, but now the realisation of how ill I was is beginning to sink in. It seems unreal sometimes. My GP who has been brilliant through all of this (I'd never met him before last July) has put me back on 20mg of citalopram, and as I have a wheelchair ans still use it for longer distances, I'm beginning to use this as a coping mechanism for anxiety, as I feel ok in shops if I'm in the wheelchair.
I am trying not to let anxiety or depression take over again, and my biggest test is Thursday as we have tickets for Rhydian. I won't be taking the wheelchair, so am hoping to be able to stay through the concert.
I've contacted my counsellor (I had 3 more sessions left with her before I went into hospital) and she's going to ring me as soon as she has an available 'slot'
There is one more complication and that is I also have a blood, needles, injuries phobia along with a hospital phobia. So having to have blood taken regularly and hospital visits are a nightmare - I fainted the last time I had blood taken.
Well that's where I'm up to at the moment.
Sorry it's long and I hope nobody falls asleep before getting to the end
Teresa
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