FEELING REALLY ANXIOUS

[linjane]

Hi again everyone,

Just needed to share the last couple of days with you all.
Thursday, I had a bad experience in the bank, when an ambulance had been called for an elderly man and they attached him to a heart machine and I stood there listening to the rhythm of his heart like it was my own and getting into a proper state. His heartbeat was REALLY all over the place sometime pausing for 3seconds at a time and then beating really erratically. I really wanted to get out of there, but managed to stay and do my banking. I also had my kids with me so on the outside I looked totally calm!! Needless to say, the rest of the day I was irritable and panicky and really focusing on my heart again.

Yesterday, I got up and felt fine and got on with the normal stuff, didn't have to be at work till lunchtime. I was in the middle of doing my daughters hair when I started getting loads of ectopics, which I did try to ignore and panic about, but they didn't go away and kept coming for about an hour and a half even when I was doing other things to keep me busy??? I know I have to get a grip of these things but I am at a total loss of how. I started searching on the internet again, something I haven't done for ages. I don't want this cycle to start again, but I can't seem to avoid it and you all must be so sick of me posting about the same thing all the time.

I am not sleeping brilliantly, I keep waking at all sorts of weird times during the night and taking ages to get back to sleep, so I am probably tired, but I can't help thinking that there is something wrong with me because I am still getting them most days and have done for over three years.

I feel ok so far this morning a bit shaky and I know my heart is beating faster than it should, but I do prefer that to the missed beats. I am sure I could cope with my anxiety better if I could get past the fear of something terrible happening to me and leaving my children and husband behind. There I've managed to say it at last. I don't want to miss out on my children growing up and I want to be here to see it...that is what I'm scared of not happening. Now I'm pregnant - and I really want this baby - I'm extra scared something will go wrong in childbirth and the worst will happen then.

Also, the fear that the ectopics give me, spoil my time with the children and sometimes my husband, because if I'm feeling scared and anxious I'm irritable and can't focus on anything else but them and then I feel I'm not spending the quality time that I could with them. Am I making sense??

WOW sorry for going on for so long, but I don't think I have ever put my fears down properly, maybe that is a step in the right direction? I will try to talk to the counsellor about it on thursday and see what he can say (hope he is more understanding than last time) but I value everyones opinion on here, probably more than his at the moment.

Thanks for listening
Love, Linda.xxx

[Meg]

Hello Lin,

*I am sure I could cope with my anxiety better if I could get past the fear of something terrible happening to me and leaving my children and husband behind. There I've managed to say it at last. I don't want to miss out on my children growing up and I want to be here to see it...that is what I'm scared of not happening. Now I'm pregnant - and I really want this baby - I'm extra scared something will go wrong in childbirth and the worst will happen then.*

I think thats what most of us have been afraid of - dying before our time and those who might be left ...

You've had these for 3 years and have not even collapsed in a faint never mind dying so I don't expect its going to happen now.

Every time a ruun of ectopics is over the heart resets itsself and its like starting afresh . It doesn't hold a memory of how many missed beats its had and at a certain number gives up.. Once its rest itself - its back to normal again

As for giving birth- put that in the hands of the cardiologists expertese and stop projecting that worry forward all those months.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Karen]

Hi Linda

Your post made perfect sense and I hope you feel a sense of release now you've finally been able to put those fears into words. As Meg said, I'm sure lots of people share your fears and completely understand where you are coming from.

As for anyone being sick of you posting about the same thing, no one here is fed up or anything like that. I do exactly the same thing myself and keep going over the same issues time and time again. We are here to listen and will continue to support you.

Well done for coping in the bank yesterday. That was great.

Hope you have a good day today.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[alexis]

Hi linda, just wondered how you were, hey post all you want on here thats what we are here for,it is so good you have managed to say how you feel, well done, let us know, love Alexis,xx

[seh1980]

hi Linda,

I think you did brilliantly for coping so well in the bank. Those episodes scare every one and us anxiety sufferers even more so well done!!

As Meg says, we have all either had or have the same fear as you do about something being seriously wrong with us. I have it the whole time. I always think that the doctors must be missing something and just this morning, I jumped to massive conclusions and thought I needed to e rushed to hospital!! Don't feel that you're alone..

Sarah

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[pips]

Hi Linda,

Well done for coping you did so well.

I hope you are feeling better now. Well done for writing down your fears to i find it definately helps me.

Take care,

Love PIP'S X X

[sal]

Hi Linda

You sound to have coped really well with that situation and it is only understandable that you would feel anxious.

Hope it goes okay with your counsellor and you get some positive help.

Take care.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[linjane]

Hi everyone,
Thanks for the replies and thanks again Meg for the reassurance - you wouldn't fancy living-in would you - lol!!?

I do feel a bit better today. I know I'm focusing on bad thoughts at the moment and don't know why but I do think it has helped putting it into words for once.

I've got my first scan and antenatal appointment in the morning at the hospital so I might hopefully feel more reassured then. I'm hoping I will get to speak to a consultant then. They might even decide I don't need to see a cardiologist and just deal with me themselves.

Anyway, I'm not going to go on for ages today!!!

Sal - nice to hear from you again, I hope you're ok I haven't noticed you around much lately. I will text you soon, my phone had been off-air for a while (not paid bill LOL) but back on now.

Take care, Love, Linda.x

[sal]

Hi Linda

Would be great to hear from you. You will have to send me your mobile number again as i have 2 numbers for you, dont ask why!!! I havent been around the last few weeks as i have been on holiday then back on shifts at work and no childminder for 2 weeks for Sam so it has being a bit hectic. Hopefully normality will resume soon!!!

Pleased you are feeling a little better today.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".