I don't know if I should talk about this but I saw the earlier post about morbid thoughts and that's pretty much where I'm at.
I used to have a great life and then a traumatic event happened (I was the victim) but life went on. Eleven years later PTSD got me. Since then I have lost SO much - my job (a good one), my life savings, my superannuation and more recently my wife due left 6 weeks ago due to caregiver burnout. So now I'm completely alone. My wife does care about me but this has just worn her out, seeing me unemployed for over two years when I was such a high achiever (and salary earner).
I see a private psychologist regualrly and a good public health psychiatrist every 3 or 4 weeks. I have been on numerous meds and none have helped much (except one that was great for anxiety only - but not mood).
I'm finding I am living in a series of "this day" with no thought or expectation of a future. I'm scared that if I tell anyone how I'm really feeling, I'll be sectioned (as if that'd help). I'm also scared of carrying out these thoughts into deed.
So what does someone in this situation do? I don't know. I'm just living a series of "this day" and am so alone. I know if I say what I'm thinking people will say "don't" and I was really, really hoping that this new med - Effexor (that was promised to be a "good" one) was going to actually help. But it isn't and I've been on it for five weeks hoping to wake up one morning feeling "good". Life is just tedium vitae.
I'm an intelligent guy and I have read widely on depression but the things I'm supposed to be doing like notebooks, diary, challenges, tasks etc. all seems just too much - I procrastinate and lack the drive or energy.
Has anyone any similar experience that they've been there and clawed their way out of the black hole? I can't discuss this with anyone I know and I guess I should be asking this to my psychologist. But, I feel they're all (my wife and my psychologist) just expecting me to .... hence the daily calls I was getting for the first few weeks.
What can I do?