My boyfriend has OCD.

[girl99]

hi everyone,

my boyfriend has OCD and he has stopped taking his medication. Lately he is getting worse. i try to help and support him in what ever way possible but its bringing me down too, I've struggled with depression over the 4 years and have only just started to come out of it. i want to be there for him but i also need to look after my own health. i moved in with him about 2 months ago and since then our sex life has also become almost non exsistant, he will not touch me unless i have just showered because of his fear of dirt. we are only young and it shouldn't be like this. It makes me feel unloved and frustrated and i can tell he gets frustrated too. what should i do? is anyone else going through similar circumstances?

[tiredOfOcd]

my boyfriend has OCD and he has stopped taking his medication. Lately he is getting worse. i try to help and support him in what ever way possible but its bringing me down too, I've struggled with depression over the 4 years and have only just started to come out of it. i want to be there for him but i also need to look after my own health. i moved in with him about 2 months ago and since then our sex life has also become almost non exsistant, he will not touch me unless i have just showered because of his fear of dirt. we are only young and it shouldn't be like this. It makes me feel unloved and frustrated and i can tell he gets frustrated too. what should i do? is anyone else going through similar circumstances?

Ummmmm, did he stop taking his meds under dr's supervision?

If not, that may have a whole lot to do with why his OCD increased.

If there is a dr supervising it, then he needs to tell them what's going on.

[girl99]

no it wasn't under doctor supervision, he just stopped taking them.

[tiredOfOcd]

no it wasn't under doctor supervision, he just stopped taking them.

I feel this is a bad decision. Here's why:

These drugs change the chemistry of the brain with regards to the chemicals that affect OCD. I believe these chemicals also affect depression and a variety of other emotional kinds of things.

Changing the way the brain interprets/reacts/creates various emotions is best done under strict supervision by a dr specially trained in this kind of thing.

Otherwise, IMSHO, its akin to working on the engine of a car as it speeds down the road.

The changes from the decrease in medication will level off after some period of time. I have no idea if that's a few more days or a few weeks - I don't have that kind of specialized training. His OCD could become worse during this period as his body makes the adjustment.

Since this is affecting BOTH of you, I really think the responsible thing is for him to seek professional advice. Its one thing to self manage your OCD when you are the only person who feels the pain from your choice. Its another thing to self manage when the pain is shared.

I self managed until my wife BEGGED me to go get help as my OCD had grown out of control enough to affect all facets of my life - work, home and family. Getting professional help for my OCD has made an immeasurable improvement in my life.

[CONS]

As above ^

One thing to say on a personal note, the dirt thing, if he wants you to shower everytime and this bothers you, you should ask why you got so involved with him knowing these things. The ability to change such beliefs is long and ardious and i feel you should stand by your man or start to think long term for yourself.

[tiredOfOcd]

One thing to say on a personal note, the dirt thing, if he wants you to shower everytime and this bothers you, you should ask why you got so involved with him knowing these things.

Likely she got involved with her boyfriend the same way my wife got involved with me. My OCD wasn't an issue at the time and neither one of us thought anything of it. We'd never have been able to guess that my OCD would get as bad as it did before I finally sought treatment.

The ability to change such beliefs is long and ardious and i feel you should stand by your man or start to think long term for yourself.

I think there's a middle ground.

Some of my OCD revolved around my wife's health. I was begging her to get moles removed partly as reassurance for me (can't OCD about them causing skin cancer if they aren't there anymore). This is not good for a relationship with someone who has OCD, the sufferer asking another adult to do something to relieve their anxiety.

My psychologist told me (and my wife) that part of my job in my recovery was to tell her ONCE about my concerns, she was to listen ONCE and then I had to trust she would act as a responsible adult.

The key words are ONCE and TRUST. If I brought something up more than once, she was to tell me "I'm not going to respond because we've already talked about it and I've told you what I'm going to do". I was to TRUST her judgement that, if she felt my worry had any merit, she would take appropriate action.

IOW, girl99 has to stop acting in a fashion to soothe her boyfriend's OCD. He needs to learn how to control his OCD without giving in to it She needs to let him know that's what she's doing and why. His OCD is going to scream so and it may be helpful to have a therapist set down these ground rules to take the brunt of any alarm/panic on his OCD's part.

[CONS]

Very well worded ^

[girl99]

Thank you heaps guys. its been really helpful.