just when i think things cant get worse...

[honeybun]

Hi all

I feel like ive reached the end of my tether and I need a place to rant!

im 27, a legal secretary/paralegal and since i started out on a career in the law i have hated it. increasingly i have been feeling like a failure, like everyone else is smarter than me and generally like ive been wasting my career and life so far. also ive never been good at relating to people, ive always been shy, never had many friends and probably come across as aloof and maybe even rude.

about a year ago i started suffering from panic attacks and anxiety, my main symptom being shaking. eventually i developed a tremor which i was terrified of people noticing, so i started avoiding people more than usual, and my work suffered as a result.

I am now on propranolol which has helped a lot, but i seem to be doing everything wrong at work. I have been in trouble with my boss and some of my workmates are hardly talking to me. im not doing it on purpose, i just cant seem to make the right decisions or concentrate properly on anything.

I just mentioned in passing to my boss that i have had therapy for anxiety, but he didnt question me about it and i havnt told anyone else at work. I think if people knew, the general opinion would be 'pull yourself together' so i have kept it to myself. but im now thinking of telling HR just so it is on the record in case they think about sacking me. I am looking for a new job but i am pretty rubbish in interviews so im not expecting to get something quickly.

my personal life isnt great either and i feel like there is nowhere i can go to get away from it all.

anyway, thats me! sorry its so long. reading through the posts helps and im glad i found this website.

[Veronica H]

to NMP. Glad that you have found us. You seem to be trapped in a cycle of negative thinking which is making you anxious.There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes called 'self help for your nerves', published by Thorsons. This is available from the NMP Shop. Her work can also be downloaded free to your MP3 from the shop. I can't recommend this enough, as it really explains what is happening to us, and how we can recover.

Veronica

[chantelle]

Hi Katie

welcome to NMP - there are lots of great people here who help you a lot. Having an awful day but posted on site and someones already responded with advice!!!!!! It is important to look for the positives and to challenge your negative thoughts - easier said than done - think the secret is to relax. Take care

A little hug from me to you
to make you smile when you feel blue
to make you happy when you're sad,
to let you know life ain't so bad.
Now I've given a hug to you,
somehow I feel much better too
hugs are better when they're shared.
Hope you have a good day
Thinking of you....

Chantelle

[Thumbelina]

I used to do the same job as you 1 year ago, I changed it but for different reasons.

I would like to poin that people who alre laywers or close to them are generally people who withdraw themselves allthe time - you are not the only one.

The fact that youa re feeling that you have to change the job is just the run reaction you get in trying to change the environment.

If you like what youa are doing - you should stick to it - as it is the secret of success in the battle with anxiwty as well.

I changed my job as my company was going busted.

I hope you feel not alone now