I have almost decided to just sit for Lerner's licence on friday before my partner go's back to work and I have a 1000 different reason why not to go for it.
I have had my L's before but I let them expire and now with new law's I have to sit them again. I got them first time the first and only time i sat for my L's and I'm really want to put my kids in a different school one that will better all round for them but I dont want to be limited by public transport or walking distance.
I feel quite ok about sitting for L's to a point then i start thinking I'll just be wasting money on my self cause I will proberly wont go threw with getting my P's life will get in the way some how and then I be down on my self for wasting money that could have used els where. I have the other side of the argument that has me thinking if I get my licence then i wont have to move house to put my kids in a better school and I will have more fredom but only as long as my partner stay's working at the store he working at now. Just my luck i will get my licence and then thay'll expect him to go work at a differnent store much further away. I cant afford to have 2 car's and I'm trying real hard to get my head around all the what if's.
This is a step I have to take and if I dont take it now while I have some money and the time to do it then who know's when my next opertunity will be.
The med's that I'm on must be doing me good cause a fue night's ago my partner was not in the mood to drive to the shop's after dark to get take away and I got this odd thought that I could maybe drive my self. I know that it's illiegal and i would never drive with out a licence but to just have a thought like that is a really odd thing for me I dont ever remember having a thought like that let alone not having anxiety symptom's over a thought like that. Normaly my thought's are about following the law so strictly and to even get a thought that might be illegal would really cause me to basicly tear my self apart from the inside out i would normaly feel like just having that thought was as bad as acting on and nothing like that happened at all. I had the thought and then it was gone with no after effect. No mood swing no kicking my self for even thinking and no anxiety symptom's. I dont know if anyone can relate to what I'm trying to say but I know what i mean and it's so weird right now to just be talking about the different's.
There is still a part of me that is wondering if the reason i think i feel better is that it was all in my head but then there another part of me that feel's like I'm finaly becomeing normal. I'm not overreacting to simple comment's from my self and other's. I feel like my mood swing's are almost non existant. I'm still a bit out of it when people talk to me sometime's l can hear them i know there talking but nothing sink's in, I have to ask for it to repeated several time's before I can make it stick. That happen's no where near as much and is proberly more a stress issues than anxiety issues. I know deep down I would feel less stressed if i could more done in a day and that would require me getting my licence. At the moment on whole day is wasted just going to shop's to pay a fue layby's I plan my life around my partner's day's off or when his sister's can pick me up. Knowing that I could drive my kids to the Dr or hospital would be a realy good feeling. Knowing I could go to the shop's with my kids and take 5 min's in car in stead of up to an hour on a bus would make my life so much simpler and knowing i could go to mum's when ever I want aty anytime instead of not going out after dark with kids cause my only mean's of getting around require's a bus at night and it would take almost 2 hour's to get to my mum's on a bus instead 15 min's by car. That's on a week day sunday's and public holiday's bus's are so much worse.
I have a 1000 reason why getting my licence would make my life easier and I do feel better about sitting for my learner's licence. I just really have to stay focused on why i'm doing and how i will feel
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