my name is nell, i'm eighteen, female, and i have been suffering mild anxiety issues since i had an abortion in february this year.
it started with the regret over what i had done, and then got worse when i started getting things physically wrong with my body because of the procedure.
after numerous trips back to the clinic and them being able to find anything wrong, i began to suffer chest pains and shortness of breath alot of the time. & that led to me thinking i had all kind of serious health problems and i have spent the majority of this year in and out of doctor's appointments & trips to the clinic and they've sent me for ECG's and scans of all kinds and found nothing wrong except they say i've got anxiety. their inability to diagnose anything made me get angry..and as a last resort they changed my contraceptive pill, which has been giving me mood swings and makes me come on at complete random.
despite all of this however, i stayed sane because i had my boyfriend of eighteen months behind me, he was there through the abortion, and all the appointments and stuff that followed, only recently, he ended it with me..his reasoning was that he 'just doesn't love me any more'.
it hurt especially because he told me he'd been thinking it for weeks but been afraid to tell me, and he'd let it get worse until it was just unfixable..so he's had a few weeks to get over it and i'm still pretty much in shock. it's not a reason i can argue with, it's not something i can be angry at because it's not his fault..it's how he feels and i'd rather he was honest.
it sounds so pathetic and teenage, but i feel like the break-up has just pushed me over the edge. i haven't slept (even though i go to bed at a reasonable time every night..even when i'm exhausted i cannot sleep.), i can't eat (and people keep saying i need to, and believe me i try, but whatever i eat and no matter how little, i cannot keep it down).
i constantly feel sick and my head hurts all the time, i'm always tired, and there's a knot in my stomach the size of my head. to make it worse the chest pains have come back..and so has this weird pain in the palm of my hand that i always get when i'm about to cry (it sounds weird and i don't know how normal it is, but it happens).
my mum wants me to see someone about it because she's worried i'm hurting myself on purpose, even though i'm not. but i can't help wonder if she's right about maybe seeing a counsellor or something?
any thoughts?
i'd appreciate them; thanks, nell x
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