For all of you that suffer from stress, what really helps you?
For me it is:
*Having a day off work (or any length of time such as 2 weeks)
*Having 'options', like if I have to attend something, it's the peace of mind that comes from knowing either it's not vital that I'm there or they can make adjustments to me or I can go at a quieter time.
*Taking a bath, it takes my mind off of swallowing before I know it and I feel more comfortable afterwards
*Walking (depends where though, preferably somewhere like a country road)
*Daydreaming, probably the only good thing about Prozac was that it stopped my daydreaming for good. Even though daydreaming took my mind off swallowing-I got NOTHING done, and I mean nothing for many years.
*Talking helps to some degree although because my obsession is swallowing/choking this sometimes distracts me when the other person starts talking, if I suddenly realise I need to swallow I have been known to get up quite rudely.
*Self-help books have been found to help me immensely, almost as much as having a great companion BUT it takes time to find one that speaks to you (my fave's are: All In The Mind by Brain Roet and Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers'), alot of them are just generic, money-spinning, rehashed garbage. Even Susans book is sometimes more like a self-admiring biography at times.
*I'm not really sure if exercise helps, I don't stick to yoga for long enough to know the difference. I tend to only exercise if my weight goes up and the only thing I know it improves is my focus.
*Meditation, I tend to breathe x10, imagine going down 10 steps to a beach, so really this is visualisation.
What hinders or makes my stress worse is:
*Having something coming up be it a test, exam or even appointments can unnerve me these days. Tomorrow I have a class from 11-1 and thats not a good time for me, I tend to have a dry mouth at that time.
*Anticipation, sometimes when I'm out I anticipate seeing a particular person or vehicle and I 'look out' for it. If I'm on the us and traffic flies past I will look back to make sure I haven't 'missed' the vehicle. (I fancy someone in the emergency services) I tend to feel relieved when I have seen the person/vehicle.
*Smoking, this is a very bad idea when you swallow as much as I do. It makes my mouth dry and my voice lower and raspier- it's DEFINATELY something I'm not going to do again. I lapsed recently and was dissapointed in myself.
*Being on edge. This is the same as anticipation but whereas anticipation is 'gosh, when will I see so-and-so guy again' and can be exciting the edginess is 'gosh, am I going to choke if I do that/go there' etc. Thats why it's like swimming when I go anywhere because getting from a to b sometimes involves me being tense, holding my breath for as long as possible, 'hiding' in doorways etc all in the fear I'll choke.
*The mornings. No one can stop the sunrise but for some reason I am worse at this time, it has no connection to the rest of the day.
Things that I think are fundamentally wrong with me are:
*Possibly some electro-chemical imbalance, there have been high anxiety times when the car radio has gone fuzzy even when it was tuned or I've held my phone and choked and it's either gone off or 'failed'. Sometimes I'll 'jump' or get a 'zap' in my neck also. I had epilepsy as a child.
*Feeling depersonalised. When I'm sat in class I totally do not feel connected to myself or anything going on in the class, I feel disembodied and when I watch t.v or observe my tutor writing on the board I can quite accurately imagine 'being' them, feeling the grip of the pen, the glide of it on the smooth board, imagining the handwriting to be familiar. I think 'if I can get into their psyche then I will think normally like they do'.
*Feeling as if my mind and body aren't connected to one another. I am a passive, good, analytical person who would make i.m.o a sound teacher and I LOVE being student at college BUT my behaviour says otherwise. I want to be 100% part of every class but to my chagrin I often have to step outside just to get a drink. I think this is from my daydreaming days when I imagined I was someone else.
*Feeling insecure. I have no real friends, probably 1 but she is v.independant and puts her weekly schedule before our time so I see her by coincidence. I have no boyfriend, I went out with one guy for about a month but it was in no way a 'proper' relationship, I doubt I'll meet anyone and if I do I have no idea how it could possibly succeed. I also can't really imagine getting married cos all I'll be able to think about is swallowing. I don't think I'm maternal, it wouldn't be fair to raise a child with my head.
How about you!
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