Daughters gone to Uni

[zara]

Hi there,
This is the first post Ive made so please be gentle. I suffer from anxiety and agrophobia but have made great steps to resolve this, mainly for my children. My current anxiety is my daughter as she's just left home to go to Uni and although she's not too far away I feel bereft. She having the time of her life!

We're not the closest of mother and daughter teams. I returned to work when she was 3 months old and my mother whom Im grateful to became an extension of me. My daughter's very close to my mother and I feel resentful. Im dont feel the whole kissing and hugging thing very easy and feel now that my daughter might think I dont lover her. She contacts my mother by text all the time and her Dad and I are just an after thought. I try not to keep midering and asking her how she is as I know she needs time to follow her dreams and grow as a human being.
Ive spent today questioning my role in her up bringing and feel a complete failure, I feel tearful as I write this and have panicked several times thoughout today. I've gone over the times when she was little and asked if I gave her enough emotionally, is it too late to make amends?

Thanks for reading. X

[Maj]

First of all, I know how you feel about your child leaving home - I cried all day!! Next, you provided your daughter with brilliant childcare in the form of her gran. What more could your daughter have asked. Children can seem closer to their grandparents. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about!! You've brought up a lovely girl who is now off to uni - please take the credit for that!! Your daughter will know that you love her. You don't need to be a touchy person to show your love for someone. We are all different people. You sound like a really nice, loving mum. You will get used to her being away from home as time passes. Feeling resentful is also normal but its because you love your daughter so much. Be proud of yourself.
Myra

[ladybird64]

Hi and welcome..don't worry, we don't bite!

I do understand how you feel, when my kids were young I was not the most demonstrative of people, I didn't really do the huggy mummy bit. It wasn't through a lack of love, things were very difficult for us then and as a full time working mum, most of the time I felt exhausted.
I know that I sometimes shouted or could be quite "cold" and as they have grown older I have had the same doubts and guilty feelings as you are now.
But you are feeling guilty without even asking your daughter how she feels! She is a grown woman now and maybe this is the time that you need to approach her and ask?
As she has just gone to Uni I can understand the reluctance on your part but this is as good a time as any, What about writing her a letter or even better, copying what you have posted here and sending it to her?
I think it's really important that you don't jump the gun until you have spoken to her and yes, you can have a close relationship with your daughter.
I hope it works out for you.

[zara]

Thank you, your so kind. Im now having a blub. Im just finding it very hard, but your words of kindest make me feel Ive not comletely let her down. I took a huge step this week,I arranged to buy her lunch and took a train on my own to meet her. I felt like I was rocking when I got there but I felt it was something I had to do - a small victory. Ive told her I'll do this every month, not bad maybe for someone who got the wrong train home.

[Maj]

How brave of you to take that journey! Deep down your daughter will realise this. I hope you carry on the road to recovery and that you and your daughter become closer. Honestly, you should be so proud of yourself. You seem like a lovely, sensitive person.
Kind regards
Myra