Can't deal with this anymore.

[louise0501]

hey again

Uni is still really bad and ive been there two months now and things seem to still be getting worse. i've become so withdrawn and i just spend most of my time in my room coz i can't bare the uncomfortable feeling i feel when i'm around my housemates or other people that they have invited over and i know they all think i'm strange. i'm not eating properly coz i can't bare to go into the kitchen in case i bump into them. i'm to scared to do my washing in case i bump into them and i've been bringing my washing home as i've been coming home every weekend just to escape the feeling but now even my mum is telling me not to come home in case i miss out on parties which i obv dont want to go to and coz it costs to much but its the only way i can see getting through this.

i just don't know what to do? i've never felt so alone and i want to just be a different person but unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

Please reply
Love Louise XX

[Maj]

I really feel for you Louise. Are you actually enjoying the course? Or is it the whole experience you don't like? My son loved college but hated uni. He was so miserable at uni and left. He was fortunate though because he still stayed at home. Your mum will be worried about you and that's why she's encouraging you to stay and mix with everyone. If you are feeling more withdrawn and can't cope then I don't think you should torment yourself. Is there nowhere nearer home where you could study? Nearer people you know? Uni is not the bee and end all!!! You sound very shy and this isn't a bad thing all the time - just bad for you that you feel bad about it! You are not strange - you are you!!Social anxiety is awful but being stuck somewhere away from home and being desperately unhappy won't help it. I think you really need to address whether or not it is time to move on for your own piece of mind. I couldn't bear to think my son felt like this. Have a long think about it. You can still have a good future, just not where you are
Myra x

[louise0501]

i have considered dropping out coz i feel so bad.i don't mind the course but i am finding the work the difficult to keep up with and its just another stress for me to worry about. last week i missed monday coz i stayed at home till tues coz there was station closures and i didnt wanna get stranded somewhere and i missed friday coz i overslept so i'm more worried about going back now. my parents wont even hear about me coming back home...i have mentioned it but they won't listen they just seem to think i can just change and be a different person but i can't and i have tried so hard. no one understands...they just think im a freak.
please reply
Love Louise XX

[Maj]

Your parents just want the best for you and that's understandable - all us parents want the best for our children. But if they really know how bad you feel then I can't understand why they want you to be miserable. Maybe it's just me, but I've never been able to understand why some parents feel as though they've been let down if their child doesn't go to uni. It just seems like it's the in-thing nowadays to be able to say "yes, they're at uni". Sounds corny but Sir Alan Sugar didn't go to uni!!!! and he's done so well and is a millionaire. Happiness, contentment and peace of mind are worth far more than a degree. That's my opinion anyway. Have another talk with your mum and dad and also look into what else there is out there in relation to study. somewhere near home where you feel more comfortable.
Myra x

[louise0501]

hey again, i've come home for the weekend but now i just don't want to go back especially since this week we have our group projects that have to be in and this analysis that i still hav to do which has to be in on tues. i feel so stressed with all this work and on thurs we have to do a group presentation which i'm dreading as i hate speaking in front of the class. i just feel like the work i did for the group isnt good enough which it isn't coz i rushed it and didnt really know what i'm doing. i just feel so anxious at the moment, i'm just glad it's only about 4 weeks till we finish for xmas. i just keep worrying about what other people think of me and how they are probably always saying i'm weird.
Love Louise

[Deepest Blue]

Hi Louise,

I can totally sympathise with you, I have to perform presentations at work and I've done so many times and it doesn't get easier, I hate it with a passion, I feel like I am always being judged and I feel so self conscious about what I am saying because it feels like they could do a better job and I just sometimes struggle to get the right words out. The thing is, I know my stuff but find it hard to translate it verbally, I am sure you are the same.

Take Care
D.x

[magnesium]

Hi Azul

Are there any other people from your home land here in the UK? Maybe there are online forums similar to this one where they swap stories, share thoughts and maybe organise get togethers?

I admire the strength you have had to be able to make it this far. To be forced to stay in a country that is not your home of choice to make sure your son is not left to someone who will not properly look after him is so admirable, even if you dont feel that way much of the time.

Have you seen a doctor or a therapist at all? You do seem very down. Are you taking medication? Some of them can help get you to a place where you feel more able to start making the changes you need but its very difficult do do this when you are still at rock bottom.

I have no comparable experience so the only thing i can say is that what often makes life bearable for me is the cumulative effect of lots of little things. I spent a long time looking for one big thing when i should have been paying attention to the details. Speaking to people and trying to make freinds, making time for myself and going out regularly, even if alone. Buying things for myself, clothes and the like. Trying to find and follow some sort of hobby. Excercising. Coming online and leaving messages for others to read and then replying. Going on a course so i can get a better job with more money. Improving my home etc. Its not earth shattering but its what everyone else around me does without thinking and it took me a long time to realise thats what i should have been doing as well.

Sometimes there will be setbacks, but thats ok.


M