If it's not anxiety, it's depression

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Thought I'd been doing really well handling my anxiety recently. I have a phobia of crossing bridges, because I have a compulsion to drive off them, yet I faced my fear and drove over Runcorn bridge twice at the weekend. I also made arrangements to start having music tuition. I even made the positive step of going to a golf course for the very first time (something that I'd been wanting to do for ages). And this morning, even though I didn't feel like it, I went swimming. I've done all these positive things, yet today I've felt really miserable and depressed. I don't understand it. If I'm not anxious, then I'm depressed or stressed or panicky. I've been trying so hard, I just want it to go away, so that I can lead a 'normal' life.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[nomorepanic]

I found it took me a long time to get over both the depression and the anxiety.

It takes time to retrain our bodies and minds and they both get used to living a certain way and we have "learnt" those ways so take a while to "unlearn".

It will come in time.

I too used to get frustrated by thinking that I had done the relaxation cd's every day for a month, I had chilled, I had done the breathing etc and why was I still feeling crap.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to sometimes ride along with it and keep at it. Stick at the routines and then the benefits will come. It was NOT overnight for me - took me over 8 years in all. I am not trying to scare you with those timescales cos I was left untreated for so long but even when I finally knew what to do it took a good year or so before I felt any real benefit.

Don't give in ok and it will come in time.

Nicola

[desperate]

Hi i think the same a bit, but then also i think well i've learnt some of this stuff maybe even from childhood although it took a trigger for it to be a majot problem.

But i does take time just keep at it!

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

[jill]

Hi

First I would like to say a big WELL DONE for going over Runcorn bridge, you faced your fear, be pround of yourself.
Sometimes we make progress and don't even know it because the progress is sooo small, but it IS progress.
You have done alot of positive things and your ARE moving forward, its just that it is a very slow prossess.

Don't say I thought I was doing very well. Tell yourself that you ARE doing well. Remember it takes time, You CAN learn how to feel better. Doing positive things and thinking positive thoughts will help you move forward.
I know its hard to find the positive thinking but keep trying, you WILL get there in the end.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

Changing your negative beliefs is the first step in the transfrmation
process that will really make a difference in your life.

[mum2four]

Is it a complusion or a fear thay may drive off the bridge. A complusion is something that you have to do when you get the erg the erg dosnt't go away unless you give in to it or the anxiety worsen's to a point of boiling point and you fear doing something oirsomething happing to you if you dont give in to it . A fear can be set off by a spike a thought or image acompanyied by a feeling of untence fear that sets off you fright flight fight instinct. Before starting to luvox(flavoxmine Meleate) I had both compulsion to rock and bank my head ect and spike's that would set of intence fear that i had to get away form. Luvox stop's the unwanted repeated messages your brian sends out that makes you feel like have to do something NOW or the intence fear that make you avoud thing's just incase. Sound more like a spike to me cause if it's was compulsion you would have done it by now. If it's a compulsion you need to get help NOW and if's a spike asking for help with med's may be something to look at doing.

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Thanks for your advice everyone,
I suppose my recovery and shaping my life how I want it to be run along parallel lines- I get frustrated that the things that I am trying to do don't come to fruition more quickly and that keeps me in a depressed state. Although, and I've had this conversation with a counsellor, I do set myself huge targets.

I like the concept of having several boxes/compartments to your life (hobbies, education, 'contribution', friends, work...) that Susan Jeffers describes and I suppose I'm going from a position of only having one box (my relationship) to several boxes, which unltimately will serve me very well, but the process of spinning all those plates is a drain (sorry for all the metaphors!).

Certainly the thing that I find most difficult about this illness is that you do what you are supposed to do to combat anxiety and once that diminishes you come face to face with the underlying depression. It's like running through the gauntlet and being battered by all these formidable enemies (depression, anxiety, panic, stress). It really makes enjoying anything so difficult, because you're never fully relaxed and present in any situation.

I did think I'd had a revelation recently and that I was within touching distance of being well again. That's the frustrating thing: you can feel almost better one day and then horrible the next with no apparent reason and it just makes it so difficult to tarck your overall progress.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Mum2Four> That's a new way of looking at it. I've had this for three years and never acted on the impulses, so I suppose it must be a spike rather than a compulsion. I get an intrusive thought, then the adrenaline and the fight or flight response- an hysterical fear comes over me and if it's really bad I have to control my breathing. I have the health anxiety too and every twinge or gurgle means I'm having a heart attack. I get myself worked up a lot too about my dad dying and I'm always building myself up to recieve the news.
I'm very reticent about taking medication since I was on Prozac for 4 months at the start of my illness and my 'spikes' became a lot more aggressive and violent and I began to suffer from depersonalisation, which I still have trouble with.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[mum2four]

I think I know what you mean I feel like the Luvox has taken away my erg's which were my coping method's and them i was left the underly thought process that cause me my erg's to kick in and while I felt good for about 3 week's hearing the underlying thought about every thing from stuff out of place to thing's going wrong and thing not working to plan ect but with out ther fear and the erg's that use to go hand and hand together it felt better over all but it was stil distracting to my day to day life and become more frusting with time that i could stop it. I'm now on a Benzo to calm the thinking and my my self so I get on with thing's an stop getting distracted so easy. finaly feel like I'm thinking in real time with not being cut of by thoughts neg or pos cut off alike. It was like someone was in my head channel ficking and I couldn"t drown it out with even loud music. I could keep it on the positive channel long enought to convince my brain to just give up tring to be negaitive.

I dont feel like i have to talk fast just to say what i want to say before it go's I dont feel like I have sift therw the thought to figure out the best one. It just a temp fix till i see the phycologist in 22 days.

[paladin806]

Thats scary Nicola, such a long time to get things sorted. Dont know if i have that long or want to live with it that long. 8 yrs of this turmoil, grief and chaos. I thought it was a case of taking the meds and biting the bullet for a year or so, then it would all come right. That these dark days and blacker nights would soon be coming to an end. Think i need to have a bit of a rethink of my life, it would seem i have been a bit naive.
Take care all. John.

"I heard someone calling my name one day, so i followed that voice down the lost highway"

[W.I.F.T.S.]

John> I think Nicola's is a very extreme example. Personally, I did go to the doctor very early on and I even asked for counselling, but I was told that it doesn't work and there was a year-long waiting list, so instead I was fobbed off with Prozac, which isn't the best drug for anxiety, but it is the cheapest! Luckily, I have a friend who works in mental health and he recommended that I see another doctor who, although, she wanted me to take another kind of anti-depressant, was happy to put me on the waiting list. I was seen within about six weeks!

That hasn't been the end of my troubles (I'm on the waiting list for a psycholgist at the moment), but I think the lesson is to make sure that you get the treatment that you need and not to be palmed off.

I've had plenty of times when I've thought I've been getting better and then the very next day felt like I was right in the middle of it again. I think the key thing is to understand your illness- know that if you are depressed it means that your seratonin levels are low, which can be helped with exercise and diet amongst other things. If you are feeling panicky, then recognise that it is just adrenaline and that constantly high levels of adrenaline can cause you to feel unreal. I know it sounds easy saying it, but it does help me to balance myself out.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.