No more coping method or thinking(just anxiety)

[mum2four]

I feel like the Luvox has taken my coping method's that i didn't like but could stop thinking about the rocking and tapping ect. The luvox is controling the obsessive thinking and reasessing ect. The luvox has taken my general anxiety away about fearing posiable panic attact's and anxiety. I feel like I have more of a life i'm not as scread to make phone calls and talking about about what i want to talk abaout. There no lead up anxiety to thinking about doing thing's. The benzo has helped heaps as well I took one before i made the phone call today I talked about what i wanted to talk about but now i left with the issues of to many feeling over reacting to and not being able not to cry when. On the phone today the same thing happen as it alway dose the same thing that my daughter is stuggling with right now I feel like i'm going backward in my life threw the stage's that got me to the point of being a a vertual agrophobic. My fear's are not based on what if's my fear are based on alway's happen 95% of the time. I have never been able to make friend's. I'm a highly emotional person and I dont know hoe not to be.

Today after the phone call got to the point of no longer feeling i could control my self any more and the guy at the other end threatning that he cant help i cant keep calm and I was calm for me that was sure I have a loud voice i alway have had it i dont try to talk loud the only reason I wouldn't talk loud is when my anxiety make me feel like I'm mouse so small that I start to wonder if anyone would care if i nolonger exsit. After getting off the phone hanging up mid sentance and thorwing the phone and screaming. the laying numb for a while and then talking in the chat room for a while and ringing my group and asking if I could come in and that said yes i went to the group and i had fue tear's on and off about different thing's. The poeple were really nice and helpfull i didn't feel invisable for once. I joined the group for a talk session it was fun I slowly felt better as the day went by. Had a fue laugh's and had a fue cry's but i felt safe there and I talked i wasn't at home to scared to go anywhere. Thats a huge inmprovment but it feels like i'm stepping from one safe place to new unsafe place and the process starts again. I supose that what i get fo letting my anxiety get this bad. I dont want to disrupt my happyness with in home just to make progress in public but I want a life like everyone is entilttled to. I supose i just have to find the strenght to fight for what i want as well as what the kids need.

I'm a little numb still but doing ok over all. I'm tired I think i'll put the baby to bed and have a nap.

[twiglet]

Hi ya, im sorry to hear you feeling bad. at least talking to someone helped yes? you say you have problem making friends. i think alot of people have. i have. im sure you make a very good friend to someone, you seem very caring and nice person. it takes long to build up a good friendship. and even if you're dealing with some problems right now that doesnt make you any less of a friend. no one is perfect.
i had a really bad nite last nite and couldnt get hold of my husband so i called a friend of mine and he helped me trough it. he's friends with me even though im a bit loopy.
anyway, hope youre feeling better soon....
take care twiglet

[rick]

Hi
Seems like it's a little rough right now.... I really feel for you, and wish I could say or do something that could make it go away... I know how terrible it is to feel the way you do. Please take the time and try to have patience as you work thru these things. It CAN get better! Just remember, it has to happen one step at a time. Many of us here have taken those small baby steps, and now things are much better. I'm sure you can do it too!!

Take care!

Rick

It is better to be a free bird than a captive king...

[mum2four]

Thankyou for your mesages.

I say I have no friends because when eva the going gets hards for me no one is around for me thay never have been with the exception of my kids and partner thay are alway there. i dont alway what to burdon my kids and partner when get down like today. Eince getting home i been laying on couch listening to music to try to sooth my body with out med's but the nagging symptom's persist palps, numbness I feel liie I should never have dared to ring that place today but then i would sitting here wondering what if all night in stead of trying to calm my self from at least making step's to join the real world again. I hate that making a phone call the other people make everyday of the year somewhere around the world can make me fell like I'm dieing from the inside out. I hate that that one wrong converstaion can turn me in this fragial person that feels like melting jelly. I hate that i feel so alone in my fight to be apart of the world around me. Whit all the phone numbers in my phone there are was only one I felt safe to ring today and that feels good it realy dose but untill yesderday I had no phone number except my partner that i felt safe ringing when i got the way i got today and last tuesday when I had the panic attack. Telling people at the crache about my anxiety and stuff was the best thing I did.

I have no friend's to ring and just talk to because thay use anything i say to make me feel bad at that time or at a later date. The only people around me cant even be friend when I'm have a reallt good day. My depression at age 20 made everyone turn on me and my depression again at 23 made every turn on me again. I'm not the most easiest person to get use to i may sound nice on hear but for my anxiety reaction is mostly to fight and Ihave done a lot of fight (arguing) in my 27 year's. When i say it like i speack another language and I feel like an alian I mean it I have never another person like me or anything that even come cloese to being like me. I have seen people have panic attact and th breathing thing likle happened to me the other day but that not the normal reponsnce i would have had if i wasn't on luvox. Off luvox my reaction to a panic attack would have been tap as the anxiety start's which would have anoyed people then as the anxiety got worse i would get an erg to rock to calm my self. if i tryed to rock people would tell me to stop being silly ect. or try to stop me which alway sparked a mouthfull from me like go away. Then if I could rock i feel like banging my head if I could bang my head or some one stoped me then I would get a incredable erg to run and excape and get away. So the panic attact I had th other day with me freacking out and breathing really fast was different for me but safer. I'm still getting use to having normal anxiety i sopose you could say I'm starting to more like everyone here now instead of feeling so horriable freack that cant control her body or action when she get anxiety. A far the differnittion of compulsion (as in OCD) my rocking, tapping, headbanging seem like thay qualify as compulsion. Before the med's I just convinced my self that I was make my self feel like I needed to do them but sicnce being on Luvox I now know there is a life free of those erg's and dont want to go back no matter what. if you have alway's lived with something you cant posible be expected to know for sure that there's a better way or that there a beter way to feel or be. Now that i know there is a better way to be I like it but It but it hard not having the rocking now when i try to rock it wrong uncomfortable but before it felt so right and normal. The same with all my compulsion that i had Thay all feel wrong and uncomfortable to me. When I got upset and walked out it was not because I was afraid of rocking and looking crazy it was because i needed to get away from the trigger that was making me cry. When I got out side I didn't like running away when people tryed to talk to me I just felt normal and no more anxiety about letting people sit near me when i was upset