Cant find the answer to what's causing the Anxiety

[andylan83]

Hi all,

I've recently joined this webpage because I m finding more questions than answers on the cause of my anxiety. I'll give you all a wee run down. The main symptoms I have are feeling really uncomfortable when eating out/in front of people. i.e. taking the girlfriend out to dinner, eating in front of her parents, going for work lunches. To generalise, I feel quite nauseous around meal times. They first kicked up about 4 years ago when I was going into my junior honours year at university, I went through a big stage were nearly everytime I was round at my girlfriends flat with her flatmates, I would feel very sick when eating round the table and the next morning I would be spewing my guts up without any explanation.

My first explanation was that as I started seeing my girlfriend around the time these things started, it must have been the change in routine I would now have to deal with on a daily basis. I was trying to juggle job,university,gym ( i was a gym fanatic back then lol) and having enough time to spend with my girlfriend. It seemed that I hadnt enough time to do anything, without getting rid of one of my set in stone routines. This made me panic as I thought i would be missing out on something all of the time, mainly experiences with my girlfriend.

Of course, like all proud and headstrong people, I put it down to a bug of some sorts and dismissed it, when the problem persisted, I began to seriously worry that something was desperately wrong with me. I kept thinking to myself it could be cancer or some other nasty and terminal illness, however, many trips to the doctor confirmed that I was in the best health i could be. But this didn't take the weight from my mind.

I began CBT at the beginning of the year and got through about 4 sessions, before my CBT therapist went off on the sick with stress and anxiety.....the irony I know. I found it was helpful to a degree, and I did begin to look at problems in a different light, however, my problem now is that, my anxiety is sooooooooooo bloody inconsistent its nearly impossible to lock down on a day to day basis what is triggering it.

For example, after CBT I was fine, I even managed to be round people who beforehand I had felt very uncomfortable with, I managed to eat meals infront of my girlfriends parents and my appetitte came back. But now I keep getting bouts of sickness in the morning which disrupt my whole day, and there isnt any malcious/depressive thoughts running through my head at the time.

I will add more to this thread, once I have a chance to sit down and write at it again, but in the meantime any comments or help would be great.

Can anyone help me with why changes in your routine cause such a reaction?
And why do you always feel your worse in the morning regardless of how many hours of sleep you manage to get.

All the best

Andy

[gypsywomen]

it might be something in your childhood when you wre eating maybe you didnt like the food and maybeit made you feel sick,, so now you have grown u you feel unomfertable eating in front of people its very common ,as for sleep patern this is normal with anxiety

[meg86]

hello

Anxiousness and anxiety usually start after a stressfull period in your life, maybe you are feeling anxious at the moment because when you started seeing your girlfriend you was trying to do so much at once your body said "ive had enough" and this is what could have caused your anxious feelings.

I also believe that confidence can be a issue, my boyfriend told me that when he first started going out with me he didnt like going places or eating out or being around other people because he felt really anxious like everyone was looking at him because he had no confidence.

I dont know if this is your problem, but its good to have a think of the possibilities.

I also feel more anxious in the mornings, im not sure the reason, but most people do and i also suffer from feeling nauseous occasionally.

When we have anxiety we feel anxious there doesnt need to be a trigger, our mind is constantly searching for a explanation how we feel which in its self is draining and keeps the anxiety alive.

You seem to be doing really well so far, and i am sure that you wil get over this hurdle

Take Care xx

[andylan83]

Thank you for the ideas and suggestions, its good to hear what other people have experienced and they're own thoughts and ideas on the topic.

I agree with the feeling drained most of the time, Im a rational person, so to just start experiencing fears out of the blue had me in knots trying to figure out what the possible causes and solutions could be. It really does my head in when a eating out scenario occurs and Im left there thinking 'Im the only one in the room that isnt looking forward to this'

For my position in life just now, when I take a step back and look at all the things I have done or have got, they are extremely positive and fulfilling.

Right now, I imagine my general happiness and wellbeing as an unfinished essay, when I read over what I have already written ( life experiences for example and happy times) I feel lighter and my mood raises. However, the anxiety attacks and nausea are causing you to have writers block and are putting you off from finishing the work as you dont want anxiety to be part of the story.

For example, at some point in my life I would like to go travelling, but Im immediately confronted by the fact that anxiety will be present in an experience which I would like to remember for being fun.

I never thought that anxiety could be so constraining to an individual, but Im determined to break the cycle.

Thanks again

Andy

[gypsywomen]

thats the way to think good for you x

[meg86]

A positive attitude is the way forward

I used to suffer from alot of panic and being afraid of travelling going places etc, but i got through this by thinking positively and deciding i wasnt going to let it ruin my life.

I put myself in difficult situations and i made it through!! it was very hard and getting on a plane that scared was the hardest thing i have ever had to do but i did it and im here and now im not afraid!!

Yes i still have anxiety but i travel go places without fear, and as that looks like your main obsticle im sure you can do it xx

[Bill]

See if this is of any help based on what you've said?.....

I was trying to juggle job,university,gym ( i was a gym fanatic back then lol) and having enough time to spend with my girlfriend.

Trying to deal with too many priorities will cause a stress overload. Before you met your girlfriend, you were in a routine which filled your days but then you met your girlfriend but couldn't then feel able to reduce time in one of your routines to allow time to fit her in which then caused your stress overload because you wanted to do everything you were doing as before And be with your girlfriend too.

You needed to compromise to reduce your stress but because you felt you couldn't you felt "trapped" and a "trapped feeling" then creates stress which can then cause panic.

nearly everytime I was round at my girlfriends flat with her flatmates, I would feel very sick when eating round the table

I would guess that this was a symptom of the stress (this is the panic that resulted) because when we suffer from a "trapped feeling", it will surface most when we actually do feel trapped such as sitting at a table eating with others. In a way, when we are in a heightened state due to too much stress, we become more sensitive to situations that actually cause us to feel trapped. The underlying stress surfaces causing us to panic in these "trapped" situations.

the next morning I would be spewing my guts up without any explanation.

My feeling is that if you were suffering the same stress every day which caused the same results at meals etc each time, you may have been subconciously be thinking each day you will have to face the same ordeal.

When we suffer a bad experience, it can frighten or worry us so much that it imprints a fear so that each morning that fear re-surfaces causing us to feel "ill" because we dread having to face the day ahead as we then come to expect to face the same ordeal each time.

For instance, someone could be suffering alot of stress at work then one day they suffer a panic attack. The panic attack frightens them so much that they then become afraid of suffering more and it then becomes that fear that produces more because each morning they wake, the fear kicks in making them feel ill because they feel so afraid of facing the day due to their panics. It becomes a cycle.

I began to seriously worry that something was desperately wrong with me. I kept thinking to myself it could be cancer or some other nasty and terminal illness, however, many trips to the doctor confirmed that I was in the best health i could be. But this didn't take the weight from my mind.

I think this is very common because anxiety loves to deceive us! When we feel ill due to anxiety, it tricks us into thinking we really are ill because we don't realise the symptoms are being caused by our underlying stress.

But now I keep getting bouts of sickness in the morning which disrupt my whole day, and there isnt any malcious/depressive thoughts running through my head at the time.

This is where you are now...the stress you were under has left an imprint that has now created a cycle of fear because your sickness feelings are being created by that subconscious thought that has become routine. You have become so used to feeling sick that your mind has become programmed to expect it.

If you think of a lion, you run...without really thinking why. You just do it instinctively because your mind has become programmed to associate a lion with danger. In your instance, mornings represent danger because you've become so used to expect to face a lion each day- stressful situations.....

It really does my head in when a eating out scenario occurs and Im left there thinking 'Im the only one in the room that isnt looking forward to this'

This is your subconscious fear you think each morning and so it's now become overcoming the fear these situations that will then stop your sickness each morning because then you will look forward to each day rather than dread the thought of getting up.

Hope that's of help.

[andylan83]

Bill

That last post was really helpful in deconstructing the panic paper trail. Now I think back on it I was overly stressed as I couldn't see any compromise that I could make, for example

1.couldn't just drop University commitments, i wanted that degree.

2. Couldn't drop my job, I would have no money to fund myself through Uni or see my girlfriend as often as I liked.

3. Couldn't drop the gym, I needed that to keep my fitness up.

4. Didn't want to drop the girlfriend as I loved the new experiences we had.

Looking at myself now, I can see that your right about the subconcious mode of feeling, I used to dread those days back then, when you would wake up in the morning and think ' right, i need to do X,Y and Z' when I would have just liked to stay in bed with my girlfriend.

The same is coming through now as well, only the subject matters have changed. I now think in the mornings: 'right I need to go to work, but as I feel that my current job isnt for me, I feel constrained because Im working 8 hours a day in something I dont like. Im not adverse to working, but I spend so much time thinking what I could be doing with my time that by the time Im finished, I drained and unenergetic when trying to pursue the things that I want to do.

I would like to be:
1. Updating my CV
2. Applying for new positions
3.Looking for Graduate jobs
4.Planning holidays
5.looking to move out
6. Starting to write lyrics for a potential band ( the pipe dream )
7. Driving lessons
Time for a change I think......with little stress and panic.

Thanks again Bill

[Cat80]

Andy you sound exactly like me. I won't eat out at all, the most I can manage is a cuppa in a coffee shop. Mainly because I feel when I eat or know I'm going to be eating. I have my Mum's birthday coming up soon and we are supposed to be going out for a family meal, jut don't know how I am going to cope with this.

I feel sick a lot, every day usually worse in the evenings. It also doesn't help as I have a fear of being sick.

My Dr gave me metoclopramide to help me cope with the anxiety related nausea. I take it 3 times a day 30 mins before my main meals and it really helps.

[andylan83]

I try my best to steer clear of any prescription drugs, in my mind they only add to the problem. I went on Citalopram for about 4 weeks and ended up being severely sick most days and really light headed and unable to concentrate on anything.

I found the best way to start eating in front of people again was to start off by ordering in and eating in front of people in the comfort of your own flat/home, then gradually build it up to eating out in a restaurant.

The worst thing I found when doing it this way was the good laughs you would have when eating in with friends, but, the frame of mind would switch automatically (as thats the programmed response) to feel tensions and anxiety, the meal in itself becomes a marathon.

Mind you, with reference to the whole sick thing, I've been fine for the past 2 days in the morning, my apettite is getting back to its normal levels, and I ate like a horse yesterday without feeling anxious once. However, these things have a habit of levelling themselves out and that sort of happened today when I felt really dizzy and anxious in the city center.

Plus side is that is wasn't anywhere as near a strong as they used to be, I managed to calm myself down and walked through all the rational reasons why I was feeling that way. It was mainly down to a major night on the tiles plus the fact I hadn't eaten anything before leaving the house.

Oopps