Can't take much more........

[RobyBaggio18]

I have enough of this bull**** I really have.

All my housemates have gone out, my girlfriends gone out and Im sitting hear in tears cuz of I can't make sense of whats in my head. For the last 5 months Ive struggled and had no professional support at all. A year ago I was at college, had a career, was relaxed, happy and healthy. Now I'm a mess, thin, pale and an emotional wreck. I'm wearing the same clothes I wore last year, no interest in anything but my feelings and symptoms, feel like a robot.

I dread the weekend, everyones the same, I can't even drag myself out of bed to face reality, reality being dizziness, nausea, nervousness, blah blah same old crappy anxiety symptoms.

I'm half the person I was last year, Im sick of hearing people say "you'll be fine soon". How the hell do they know.

I've got nothing. Anxiety took away 2 years of my life before, I cant face losing that amount of time again.

Keep hearing its a blip, do blips take 5 months?

sorry for ranting, needed to get these thoughts out. Ive got no one to talk to except 4 walls.

[chellebelle]

I know exactly how you feel, I get really angry at my panic all the time. When anxiety is at it's worst it is terrifying, exhausting, confusing, frustrating and at times, too much to bear. I think about the people you read about who are dying of a terminal illness but are seen as couragous because they never say "why did this happen to me", but i ask all the time.

I'm not going to say "you'll be fine soon", because heck, you probably won't be...but keep in mind, as naff as it sounds, this will pass. Sure. it will probably come back, but you'll hopefully have learnt the skills to deal with it better each time! I promise IT WILL PASS!

I can say I know, because i have been there, you'll be thinking "yeah, but not as bad as this", i think that's what we all think, because it is so bad, it is hell and a nightmare and all you want is to wakeup from that nightmare. You've not "got nothing", it may feel like it but you've got a girlfriend, friends, everybody on this site who are here for you, who feel for you and who understand! Take strenght and know you are never alone!

PS. it's not a blip


"BUT it's DIFFERENT this time!"

[RobyBaggio18]

the reason I'm so angered is 3/4 years ago I was worse than this, but I recovered and I was happier than Ive ever been. Ive been on a steady decline for about 6 months prior to this. I know life's better than this but this is the second time in 4 years that this has happened. I don't want a lifetime of this. I'm gonna be scared that everytime I have a problem in life to deal with I get supplied with anxiety/panic. And I know for a fact that theres gonna be bigger problems to face than what led me to this.

[Trev]

You can get through this again. It ain't gonna happen overnight but you can do it.

Are you getting any type of exercise at all?
Are you still at work?
Are you eating properly?

Cheers,
Trev

[RobyBaggio18]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">You can get through this again. It ain't gonna happen overnight but you can do it.

Are you getting any type of exercise at all?
Are you still at work?
Are you eating properly?

Cheers,
Trev

<div align="right">Originally posted by Trev - 04 November 2005 : 23:26:06</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Yes to all 3.

This is the first exercise regime ive done in 5 years, and possibly my best diet ive ever had. Last time I was off work for 8 months, Ive only had a week off this time through anxiety. I forced myself back into it, I'm so glad i did.

[Trev]

That's good news for a start. What sort of exercise are you doing?

1) Are you totally aware of the mechanism of what's happening to you? Have you read any Claire Weekes books etc? I found her "Self Help For Your Nerves" extremely helpful.
2) Are you getting any proper relaxation time and trying to relax? (even though I know it feels impossible)
3) Are you trying to accept it and not fight it? (Again easy said) If you time it and think, "Oh **** not another week / month" etc then it will only create more agitation.
4) Do you know if you have specific reasons for this or specific triggers?

[carldourish]

I was very much like you a few years ago, until I started to take back control or responsibility.

Do you want to control your life, or hand over control to others. Taking responsibility is taking control of those parts of your life that are within your control, while letting go of trying to control what is not.

Its easy to blame others, thats what I did, but until you decide to see yourself as responsible for your situation then you don't have any power to change it.

Stop for a moment and imagine what it would be like to take responsibility for your life..to have the power to make choices and changes in every area of your life. To be in control of your finances, your relationships and your sense of well-being.

Your self image is the way you see yourself in your imagination. The reason your self-image is so powerful is because your behaviour will almost never deviate from this internal map. It acts as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

How you think of yourself also effects how OTHER people feel about you. Because over 90% of what we communicate is unconscious.

THE THREE SELVES

At our core is our authentic self - the reality of who and what we really are.

But pilled on top of the real us, with all our weirdness, is that layer of shame, fear and guilt, the person we're afraid we are, our negative self-image.

So in order to make sure people still like us, approve os us and give us love, we pile yet ANOTHER layer on top of our feared self - the person we pretend to be.

As you begin to excavate your real self out from under who you're afraid you are and who you pretend to be, you get to shift positions from driven to driver.

A. YOUR PRETEND SELF: Who you pretend to be

Your pretend self is the image you project into the world. Often, this image is based less on how you really are than on covering over how you are afraid you are. Ask and answer the following questions, theres no right or wrong answer.

* How do you like to be seen?
* Which aspects of your personality do you hope people notice?
* What is it most important that everyone knows about you?
* If your life were trying to prove something about you, what would it be?

B. YOUR NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGE Who you are afraid you are.

If someone calls you a name that you don't identify with (for example "you dirty green idiot") there is rarely an emotional attachment. If something upsets us, it's usually because at some level we believe it might be true.

Any negative traits you identify are not really yours - they belong to your negative self-image and were programmed into you when you were a child. By indentifying them honestly, you are about to let them go!

It can be hard to look directly at your own worst fears about who and what you are - after all, you've probably spent a large portion of your life avoiding doing just that. For that reason, most of these questions point to things that reveal your negative self-image rather than your negative self-image itself:

* What's the opposite of each of the traits of your pretend self?
* Which of your secrets will only be discovered after you die?
* Who is your least favourite person and why?

(Most perception is projection - we most dislike in others what we fear can be found in ourselves!)

C YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF: Who you truly are.

By identifying the traits and characteristics of your three selves, you are freeing yourself up to live more and more from the heart of who you really are - your powerful, loving, unstoppable authentic self.

Here's a guideline to know whether you are identifying a trait of characteristic of your authentic self of if you are caught up in the trap of your negative self-image:

* Who you really are always feels like coming home?
* Who are you when nobody's watching?
* If you felt totally safe, what would you do differently?
* Who would you be if you lived beyond fear?

REPROGRAMMING YOUR SELF-IMAGE

In my experience traditional positive thinking is not very effective. Standing in front of a mirror saying "Day by day in every way I am

[RobyBaggio18]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">That's good news for a start. What sort of exercise are you doing?

1) Are you totally aware of the mechanism of what's happening to you? Have you read any Claire Weekes books etc? I found her "Self Help For Your Nerves" extremely helpful.
2) Are you getting any proper relaxation time and trying to relax? (even though I know it feels impossible)
3) Are you trying to accept it and not fight it? (Again easy said) If you time it and think, "Oh **** not another week / month" etc then it will only create more agitation.
4) Do you know if you have specific reasons for this or specific triggers?

<div align="right">Originally posted by Trev - 04 November 2005 : 23:40:29</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Try and go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, at least 20-30 mins on the bikes and then weights. I'd like to bulk up but weights kill your muscles when they're tense. Got self help from your nerves and essential help for your nerves, always refer back to it when necessary (which at the moment is every day).

Acceptance is the hardest part for me, its the hypervigilance i cant stand, makes me feel like a complete cabbage and completely controlless.

As far as I am aware its just concentrating on the symptoms that creates the anxiety/panic.

[Trev]

Just based on my experience, I would suggest not worrying about bulking up at the moment but maybe just doing a bit more more cardio stuff to really burn the adrenaline off.

You don't mention relaxation. Have you tried yoga or getting good massages. These both really helped me.

You do have to make that leap of faith ultimately. The cure can only come from inside you.
It's not pleasant to realise that you are doing this to yourself and you can start to worry about being a failure etc. Don't go down this road. It's a waste of energy and untrue.

You sound pretty acute at the moment. And whe you are acute there is nothing more you can do but accept this fact as best you can. As Claire Weekes says, it can take up to 3 months to fully de-sensitise the body........and that's with full acceptance!

Carl makes some very useful and interesting points. Again, you are the only one who can resolve this (as I'm sure you know).

It's good that you have kept the structure with work, but do get adequate rest as well.

Don't stop going out because you feel ****. I used to go out feeling so rough I could hardly understand what people were saying but ultimately it was worth it.

You didn't mention if you know what triggered it all?

Cheers,
Trev

[RobyBaggio18]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Just based on my experience, I would suggest not worrying about bulking up at the moment but maybe just doing a bit more more cardio stuff to really burn the adrenaline off.

You don't mention relaxation. Have you tried yoga or getting good massages. These both really helped me.

You do have to make that leap of faith ultimately. The cure can only come from inside you.
It's not pleasant to realise that you are doing this to yourself and you can start to worry about being a failure etc. Don't go down this road. It's a waste of energy and untrue.

You sound pretty acute at the moment. And whe you are acute there is nothing more you can do but accept this fact as best you can. As Claire Weekes says, it can take up to 3 months to fully de-sensitise the body........and that's with full acceptance!

Carl makes some very useful and interesting points. Again, you are the only one who can resolve this (as I'm sure you know).

It's good that you have kept the structure with work, but do get adequate rest as well.

Don't stop going out because you feel ****. I used to go out feeling so rough I could hardly understand what people were saying but ultimately it was worth it.

You didn't mention if you know what triggered it all?

Cheers,
Trev

<div align="right">Originally posted by Trev - 05 November 2005 : 00:05:49</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

in October 2001 it was a bad experience in a nightclub that triggered it but to be honest looking back i think my lifestyle prior to that was a recipe for disaster. for a year i went out every weekend clubbing really abusing recreational drugs, not just one or two but about 20 ecstacy pills a weekend. That coupled with a crap job, horrible home life, terrible diet and no exercise its no wonder that i burnt out.

I didn't understand what was going on really and neither did any of my friends. I was disowned by my parents, i lost my job and for the first six months convinced myself i was brain damaged. it took a long time to convince me otherwise with the help of CBT. In about the summer of 2003 things really picked up and since then I've had a normal life, been on holiday, passed two years at college, driving lessons.

Things started to go a bit awry just before xmas. I kept getting obsessed with stupid thoughts about my girlfriend, the things that ive done to her in the past are horrible, cheating etc. She's said shes forgotton the past and it doesn't matter but that wasn't enough to convince me. If she went out without me i'd sit at home worrying whether she'd dumped me and id get the worst stomach cramps. It got so bad that id send her a text and if she didnt reply within 5 mins i'd assume the worst. If she was going out without me then id actually plan my night of lying on the bed, anxiously watching the clock tick before she'd come home. I had no interest in anything, id demand to see her 24/7. Only now I realise how unhealthy this is and how it damaged my health.

If this wasn't bad enough then coupled with the stress over my exams I had a HUGE panic attack while having a vaccination for my holiday. Ive had panic attacks in between but just shrugged them off but I for some reason these kept happening. This then put me back into anxiety.

Reading Claire Weekes book i now understand the nature of sensitization, and it doesn't take a fool to work out that sensitization started months prior to my panic attacks. Looking back i should have seen it coming. I still get the worrying thoughts about my g/friend but I'm now more obsessed with thoughts that anxiety is gonna rob me of another two years.

I just want a better quality of life, holidays, get back to driving lessons, clearer mind, but dont we all?

oh relaxtion wise I use hypnotherapy, tried yo