I am consistently worried about this. I have always been worried about my genitals since I was about 13 (now 23) because I've always thought they looked different to how they were supposed to. When I was a teenager I was always very careful to use protection and was able to hold out a couple of weeks before having sex with men but, after a couple of bad, long-term relationships with men, I have become quite the opposite. I'll have sex with men on the first date and won't use protection. I'm usually drunk but sometimes I'll do this sober. Other women see sex as a bit of fun and I saw it that way before I was 16 (when I ended up in a 2.5 year abusive relationship with a man 7 years older). Nowadays I end up having sex with men straight away, calling off any kind of relationship with them (I usually don't like them) and then feel deeply wounded and upset for weeks afterwards. During this time I obsess about my sexual health. I'm always sure I must have caught something. I'm going to the GUM clinic tomorrow as this happened again last weekend to get a full check to stop me panicking but I think it's got a lot to do with feeling "dirty" and "infected" by my behaviour that sets off the anxiety that I will be literally "infected". Though, obviously, I need to start using protection again, because there is always reason to worry if you don't, you never know.
I have a coil so I won't get pregnant and am not worried about that but this always tears me up and I become terrified of STIs. I know it's my own fault if I get one but I want to find a way to stop this cycle of behaviour which, to me, has absolutely no pros and a lot of cons.
There's a few issues here, not all to do with health, but the health forum seemed the best place to put it because of the STI factor - hope this is appropriate posting!
Anybody any insight into whats going on with me? I feel like such an idiot whenever I do this and I get really upset!
Thanks