What the hell is wrong with me???????!!!!!!

[xBettyBoopx]

Well, I don't know what to say that I haven't already said a million times before!! Or even know what questions to ask that I haven't asked before!!

I have had this fear/dread feeling for the last 3 months, this deep darkness that just feels like a horrible dread in my stomach. Strange thing is it's worse at certain times of the day!! On top of this I have the anxiety and panic, which I've had for 34 years + severe depression due to losing my beloved cat Lady. I just have no idea what day it is most days, I hate getting out of bed, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm having bladder and bowel problems, not eating properly, not sleeping properly. Acne has come back (I'm 52 ffs!!!!!) My teeth are really bad and broken, that they hurt but I can't go to dentist. I just can't even hope anymore for anything to get better. I am too tired all the time to do anything about my situation. I have tried speaking to the doctor, who doesn't seem to care. I have seen a counsellor twice but we haven't even spoken about what we are going to do therapy wise and not seeing him again til 10 December, last time I saw him was 30 October!!!

This is useless, pointless, I've been hanging on with my finger nails but this existence seems futile. I know you're gonna think I'm severely depressed and that's why I'm feeling this way, but I have been feeling like things for many many years, like I said hanging on for grim death but now I just can't - don't really know what that means though!!

Anyway, had to get a few things off my chest as I live alone and most times am really lonely. That's another thing that's friggin depressing. All these things just went tits up when I was made redundant in April 2005 and losing my mum in August of the same year. If only I could just get back to where I was before then, at least I went to work and didn't feel totally hopeless.

Need some hugs too

Els
xxx

[maddie]

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Perhaps it would be an idea when you next see your counselor to ask straight out what therapy he/she thinks would be right for you and when you can start it.

Hope these help:

[looking4answers]

Bless your heart Els..I feel so bad for you and hurt for you .There are so many things that you and I share I feel exactly the same .. Its heartbreaking and it will get better.. there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and every dark cloud has a silver lining.. Don't worry .. try to relax and be happy.. Michael

[andrea thompson]

hello els
i am sorry your feeling so bad. if its any consolation i feel pants too. i had counselling years ago and it really helped me but i was seeing someone once a fortnight. it really pisses me off when people dont get the support they need from the Drs. in he past i have had Drs that really listen and offer advice and support and then on other occasions i have been made to feel like i am just wasting their time, so i defo know where you are coming from. i am 36 and have been like this for nine years ish. i hope you find something that helps you to get through and i hope i find something as well.. please take care and i hope my ramblings have helped in some small way.

x x

[kazzie]

Hi Elspeth

First of all have some

Secondly I think you seem to have been overlooked by "the system"

There is a member on here who has had probs and has just got a support worker to help her out her name is Alihud, Im sure she wont mind me mentioning this

Can I suggest you PM her and ask her how she went about it????

You have to get just 1 person in authority on your side and all sorts of help will appear I know

Hows Sassy getting on?????

Sending You lots of love

Kaz x x x

[gypsywomen]

i am sorry you are having such bad time ,, one thing stopping in bed doesn't help even thou you think so, the reason your having tum problems is because your not moving around ,everything slows down when we stay in bed i know i went to bed one night and didn't get up for 3 months , then one morning decided not going to let this beat me started with small steps now 3 years on go to college life seems brighter ,, hope you get help to make you feel better love maggi

[PoppyC]

Hi Elspeth
I am sending you a lot of big hugs because it does sound like you need some. plus some flowers too
Personally I don't think many gps are that great at dealing with issues like depression and anxiety, and they are just there to diagnose and hand out medication. Would you be able to go back and see another gp - maybe they would be better at dealing with how you are feeling?
I think it is so wrong that you have to wait so long to see your counsellor.
If it were me, I would keep pushing for help and doing everything I could to get that help, but I do realise that when we get so depressed, that it is hard even just getting out of bed some days.
Is there anyone close to you who could help you, to get the help?
Hugs to you Elspeth

[KK77]

I believe if you've had something before you can have it again. I know the system constantly lets us down but we mustn't let ourselves down by giving up. You can do it Elspeth.

[MOJO]

Dear Elspeth,
Firstly here are some hugs for you
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Please, please don't give up. I know it's really hard but try to push for some more help NOW, tell them you just can't wait any longer.
Keep posting and let us know how you get on.
Love Judy.xxx

[steve2009]

Thinking of you Els,
Lots of hugs form us