should I be on this?

[muzz]

Hi Everyone,

I really need some help and advice. I'm afriad that this post might be quite long. Sorry.

I have been in a rather horrible mess for quite a long time now and to be honest I can't remember much of what has taken place this year at all - it's all been a bit of a blurry numbness.

I was told a couple months ago that I was depressed, which hadn't occured to me at all. I was told that I needed counselling and that I should see my GP asap for a prescription of antidepressants.

anyhow, I have done both - my GP has put me onto 20mg and I rang up the organisation that I was referred to for counselling.

I went for an assessment a month ago which was a bit scary, was asked lots of questions and had to fill in some multiple choice questionares. It all finished off with reassuring noises like that I do certainly need help, and that I can be helped. Since then I haven't heard a thing.

As for the antidepressant, if I was in a sorry state before I am ten times worse now. a few seconds after I wake up I can feel this sheer panic develop in the pit of my stomach - like it knows that there is something very very wrong with the world, but for some reason the rest of me hasn't figured out what that is yet. My face muscles ache because I think I spend all night clenching my gnashers. I still cry a lot, and at work it still takes very little to have me off to the loos for a sit-down and a cry, about 4 or 5 times a day. I do cry less than I used to, but even when I don't I still feel like I want to. My appetite has gone, replaced with a constant nausea and as for sex, any form of climax is impossible - we've tried.

I also had a strange turn last night in bed. I'm sure that I was awake, and I could feel something really strange happen in my head and I started shaking uncontrollably. I did my best to try to say something to wake up my boyfriend or nudge him awake but I couldn't. Anyhow, my body thrashing around woke him up and he says that he woke me up and I stopped.

By far the most scary is that on day three I woke up bolt upright at about 3 in the morning with an urge to top myself. It really scared me and I cried a lot. But those thoughts have remained and I'm dreaming about it which is very upsetting. At first I thought that it was a really sick way of getting some perspective on my situation, but I am now more convinced that fixing me is probably not going to happen.

Anyhow, my GP wanted to see me after a fortnight and I told him how I was feeling. He seemed to indicate that it was regrettable but that I need to stick with the course. I have another appointment this week.

Thanks for reading this far; any advice that you have to give would be great as well as any suggestions to these questions.

1. should I ask my GP to change me to another antidepressant? seriously the only positive effects I can tell are that I can actually talk to people in the office again and that I am not as tearful as before. I still want to cry and I can't concentrate on a thing.
2. since I haven't heard anything from the counselling organisation, would my GP be able to refer me for counselling on the NHS? (all he knows is that I have been told to see him for antidepressants; he doesn't know the full story.)
3. should I ask my GP to sign me of work for a spell to get the drugs working and at least get through a day without crying?

Muzz

[suzy-sue]

Hi Muzz !Im sorry you are having such a horrible time ,reminds me when I just started on them ..eek They do make you feel a lot worse before they start to work ,it shows they are getting in your system ..I do think you need to ask your Dr
to sign you off until the side effects stop .it must be so hard to work when you feel like this .He could also give you some diazapam to help you through this period ,it will take the edge off the symtoms .He should also arrange for some councelling as taking the pills is only part of what you need to feel well again .Tell him every thing ..All i can say to you is try to keep telling yourself its the tablets making you feel so bad and its all perfectly normal ,It will all pass and between 4-6 weeks of starting on them you will begin to feel so much better ..You will always find help and support here if you feel scared or worried about something ..Take care you will feel bettter soon .Luv Sue xx

[muzz]

Hi Sue, thanks it does help to know that it is the pills that are making me feel this way - my GP did say that I would get worse before I got better, its just that I would go through periods where I was certain that I was completely loosing it and now these poxy pills have added a whole new scary dimension to that.

I am seeing my GP on Wed so I will let you know then.
Muzz

[Veronica H]

Hang in there Muzz and don't hold back with the GP tell him everything.

Veronica

[muzz]

Cheers Veronica As it turned out my usual GP wasn't in today so I saw another GP. I don't think that he was all too pleased with the state of me so he has doubled my dose to 40mg. He also had me fill in some sheets for counselling. I scored 21 and 11.

I am also going to try hanging in there at work but he's happy for me to come back and get booked off if I feel that I'm not coping.

I think I was having a panic attack this evening with the result that I spent most of the evening crying. Heres hoping that things improve on the new dose.

M

[suzy-sue]

Glad you saw a Dr .You might be better by upping by 10mg for a bit tho ,as another 20 mg sraight away could give you some more side effects ,increased panic and anx .I always upped my dose gradually and wasnt bad doing it this way .A lot will agree with me ..It will take 4- 6 weeks to feel the full benefits on any increase But if you feel ok after a week up it again then .See how you go and im sure you will be fine .Glad to hear you will be getting some help other than drugs ..if you feel you cant go to work .at least you know he will sign you off ,which is nice to know .Take care,Hope you feel better soon Luv Sue xx

[moomin1]

Hi,

I'm new on here and just relating to what everyone has said! It comes as a bit of a relief to see I'm not the only feeling like I am losing my marbles!

Can I ask whether these are SSRIs that you are taking? I am just starting week two of an ssri and I have had EXACTLY the same experience - it was terrifying. I'm finding that I'm getting a day where I will feel calm and more balanced but still not 'normal' but then I get really bad days and nights where I have horrible strange dark thoughts.

Just wondering whether this is perfectly normal on these meds?

Thanks!