working on the root of my panic attacks

[Lozzie]

Hi all,

Recently I have been thinking about how my panic attacks started as I think finding the root cause of my panic may help me in my long road to recoverey.

I think iv finally figured out what has caused my general anxiety and panic attacks.

Im not going to go in to details as I will be here all night but it's basically to do with my childhood, I was bought up in single parent family with my mum and a father who hardly ever came to see me and I recently found out the real reasons why my mum and dad split up.

my dad cheated on my mum while she was pregnant with me and my dad left home when i was a baby.
My dad use to make me promises and broke most of them alot. i found it hard to trust my own dad and to have someone who is meant to be so close to you lie to you and break your trust with them its hard.

When I got older and started dating it was hard because I felt that if my own father can lie to me and decieve me then it will be real easy for a bloke to. This lead me to having failed relationships. Even now that im engaged to someone that loves me very much in the back of my mind I still worry that he will leave me or cheat on me. if my dad can do it then it will be so easy for someone else to.

Im crying even now writing this and forgive me if im going on for too long but i feel i need to get this out.

Well i have always related my feelings to songs i have heard and this song is one that sums up how i feel.
http://www.videocodezone.com/videos/...se_of_you.html
I hope this works because this song sums up exactly how i feel and makes me cry every time i hear it.
I think people should relate their feelings to songs so that they can sing along whenever they hear it as a way to release their emotions.

Luv Laura

[Piglet]

Big hug to you darlin - due to having 3 teenagers in the house Kelly Clarkson gets played a hell of a lot and it will make me think of you now.

Well done for trying to work out the root so you can help yourself deal with them.

Mine started with stress overload and then embarassment at being seen as vulnerable kept them going.

I'm working on not being ashamed of this part of me and I think I'm really making headway with the old acceptance thing

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

Laura

The trust thing is a really big ine for many and you are doing well to try to meet it head on and recognise many of your issues stem from that.

Uncertainty in general is a difficult thing to come to terms with and when it concerns others whos behaviour w etry to predict with negative hindsight and memory it gets trickier.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Shadowwin]

:: that song you posted is my song to my mother.. much like you I grew up in a single parent house.. with a father i never knew and still don't know.. however my mother spent the first 20 years of my life treating me like a leper because of who my father is..

I tried my hardest to make her proud of me, to make her happy and no matter what I did it was never good enough. All I ever wanted was for her to say she was behind me.. and she couldn't.. but that is another story for another day.

Unconvering the root of all of this and seeing it for the first time is one of the most painful expierences I think anyone can have but once it's out in the open then you begin to heal.

For years i've felt like half a person since i have never met my father, and I grew up in a time where single parents were still frowned upon. I took so much crap from the kids I went to school with that just remembering it makes my stomach turn even now.

In the past weeks I've stared in a amazement a few times at the enteries in my journal as I uncover my past.. and those feelings and memories I had surpressed.

I know deep down in that it will make me stronger in the long run even though right now it feels like a festering wound.

Brightest of Blessings to you
and good luck in your search

Talia

[LottaLagg]

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I think finding the root cause of my panic may help me in my long road to recoverey.

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When you say you've gotten to the the root of things. These are call triggers. Trigger can be anything . The smell of something burning triggers me to panic because I was in a house fire. Pink Floyd music triggers panic because that is what was playing while I was being raped. If you can find your triggers you can learn to controll your panic. Telling yourself "ok I've been triggered I can control this". I have learned to control my panic attacks my knowing what triggers them.
Good Luck
Lotta

"One Oneness One"

[Lozzie]

Thankyou for all your replies xx
I listen to that song everyday and always sing it out rather loud (i dread to think what the neighbours think[:I]) but i feel it helps me to release the feelings I have kept pent up all these years. I always end up crying by the end of the song but I see that as my feelings finally reaching the surface.
I spent alot of my childhood putting my feelings to the back of my mind and not talking about them. Hence why im like this now.

Recently my dad has been in contact with me and he wants to see me. Im not sure wether I want to or not because whenever I see him it triggers the feelings and thoughts of when i was younger and what happened back then. Whenever I have seen my dad over the years I never let him see how he has upset me, i never say anything it feels like i go numb when i see him and although i want to tell him exactly how he has made me feel nothing comes out. I really dont know what to do for the best.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks laura x

[Meg]

*Recently my dad has been in contact with me and he wants to see me - I really dont know what to do for the best.*

Seeing you will currently meet your Dads needs but what will it bring to you?
Whatever you decide think it through to how you will feel at the end of the meeting and make sure this meeting/s up has a beneficial purpose for you too - whatever that may be.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Lozzie]

Thanks meg that is great advice, but im still not sure what to do.

If i dont see my dad then he will say something to my sister and she will get on my case saying im being unfair, because she has done this before when i didnt want to see my dad and she made me feel guilty.

The thing with my sister is she was 13 when dad left so she knew dad and they were close whereas i didnt have them years with dad and dad let me down and lied to me alot so me and my sister think differently about my dad, but i love my sister very much and i will never let dad come between us.

I just dont want to upset her either, i dont really want to see dad but i know she will have a go at me and make me feel guilty.

Its so difficult I dont know what to do:(

[Meg]

*i dont really want to see dad but i know she will have a go at me and make me feel guilty.*

If you don't want to - then don't see him.

As for your sister maybe its time you had a discussion with her and explained that your situation is different from hers and what it means to you right now - doesn't mean you won't change your mind as time goes by.

She cannot Make you feel guilty. Guilt is a self imposed emotion that only you can put on yourself - what you may mean is that you allow her to cause you to doubt why you're not seeing him and thus when you doubt something you have an internal fight with yourself, wheras, you are quite clear that - for you right now -you don't want to see him.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

Here here Meg.

Good luck with whatever you decide Laura.

love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.