*help* Extreme anxiety over liver disease

[mathmajor]

Hi. I'm new to the forums. When I was 18 I was quite obese and diagnosed through blood test and ultrasound with what's called Fatty Liver disease. It is a silent benign disease that, in a small proportion of patients, can progress to Cirrhosis and eventually liver failure. The only treatment is to lose weight. I was told by my doctor to lose weight or there is a risk of this permanent liver damage.

That scared the bejesus out of my formerly-carefree mind and set off extreme anxiety. I did manage to lose 100 pounds over a year and a half or so. My blood work returned to normal and my doctor said I should be perfectly normal. Being a normal invincible college kid I went ahead and partied a bit in my last semester of college. I was normal, right?

In December 2009 I began to feel really scared and guilty about drinking after having been a liver patient before. One night I had an energy drink and with so much energy in me... I got a call from Dr. Google about cirrhosis symptoms out of the blue and had a massive panic attack and did not sleep for 2 nights from worry and it would have been 3 but I took some benadryl. I really do match a few symptoms of cirrhosis, although I don't appear physically ill.

I spent hours upon hours reading sites and forums and it just made me worry more. This is embarrassing, but to this day I do not look at my urine or number-twos, and I shower in the dark. I have a major problem with analyzing myself... I do it several times a minute. Almost been in auto accidents from my rear-view mirror. The stress is driving me mad and I am 21 years old.

Naturally I went to my doctor. Described my concerns and had blood and urine testing, both came back normal. They can't explain my symptoms NOR can they tell me for sure it's not cirrhosis. Only a biopsy can do that and "they have no reason to do one." That's hard to swallow when you face the chance at having a disease requiring transplant or death. My mom went thru kidney failure and transplant when I was young.

I don't have the money anyway ($1500?). What to do...

I want to just say "oh well" and forget about it but that almost feels like denial to me. Do you ever get that?
Thanks for reading.

[andrea thompson]

hi hon...
i dont know much about the liver but i have lots of personal experience about health anxiety and it sounds like thats what you have got not liver failure... if you were showing signs of cirrhosis then your dr would recommend further investigation i am sure... i think that you are anxious about whats happened to you in the past and the ilnness that people close to you have suffered... my mam died in a car accident and i drive but regularly worry about travelling to work... sometimes to the point were i think about phoning in sick... once i am there i worry about getting home!!! my mam also had a bad heart, three of my grandparents died from heart attacks and guess what i worry terribly about my heart... one dy i worry that i will have a heart attack the next week i am convinced that i have a dvt or brain tumour... i do know that it is my state of mind making me dwell on these unpleasent thoughts and i am trying really hard to think rationally and talk myself out of this way of thinking... are you dealing in anyway with your anxiety!!!!! i have fealt like this before by the way ater a bout of depression and with time, meds and cunselling it passed and i hope it will again...

i hope this helps in some small way...

take care

andrea x x

[Rachel W]

You did what the doctor said, lost weight and your results came back normal. I am sure that those that have fatty liver disease and progress to cirrhosis are those that do not not recover from it, but have it ongoing; and as you said that is rare anyway. If your bloodwork came back normal then I would try not to worry as if the doctor was even the slightest bit concerned he would have rushed you to get a biopsy. Please try not to worry as I know how powerful the mind can be (I know easier said than done!).

Please take care. You are so young and it would be VERY rare for you to have these issues.

Bless.

[mathmajor]

Thanks guys. I know that the brain is crazy powerful when it comes to these things. BUT I will say that in a weird way worry and anxiety saved my life. Without it I would still be 300 pounds. Without it I'd still be binge drinking. Without it I'd still be scarfing fast food. But now it's consumed me entirely.

I know this board operates with the assumption that whatever I'm worried about is not actually happening to me, but in my case nobody really knows. It's hard to seek therapy when nobody can prove you don't have whatever disease you think you have.

I want so badly to just say that all these signs I'm seeing are normal or flukes but I can't. The only thing I can do is avoid them and pretend they don't exist. It feels like denial to me. I'll press my doc harder next time I see him.

you don't know how much your kind words mean to me.
mm