New - "Severe Clinical Depression", "Anxiety", "Manic Episodes"... Im a bundle of fun

[LucidDreamer]

Hello all you fellow sufferers out there, I'll try not to sound too chripy as I know how irritating it is to someone on a low.
(Next part not a threat of suicide, noticed this was a no no in the t&c's - just mere fact)
But I myself last night was again indulging in my google-fest of suicide searching... got me nowhere, I'm still undecided.
Two main reasons for my hesitance;

1. My Mother. Yes how cheesy - but honestly, she's my rock. I've only seen her cry twice in my short life and it's unbearable, she's the most selfless person I've ever met. But she's not one of these overbearing mother's either, she's a strong, independent, 'takes it on the chin', 'life goes on', 'it's not the end of the world' kind of person and I just don't know how she does it.
   Moving swiftly ahead from the soppy rubbish...
2. Kevin R.I.P My cousin, about two weeks before his 25th birthday (which would have been Christmas 2009), hung himself leaving behind a gorgeous son, a mother, a father, a partner,a brother, sisters etc.
   I KNOW first hand what a suicide does to a family.

Right... don't even know why I quite went there but lets start with the basics;

• I'm 20 years old in a few weeks
• I have been treated for anxiety and depression since about the age of 12
• I have a poor health background (No seriously... my medical notes look like an encyclopedia - it's unreal)
• I have been on various medication, most recently - Prozac, Sertraline and Mirtazapine.
• I have frequent manic episodes which lead to;
  Rapid Speech
  Extensive, unnecessary vocabulary
  Risky behavior (including promiscuity...quite shameful but I don't know why at the time)
  Insomnia
  Constant thirst
  Sweating? (does that count, seems to come with the thirst)
  etc etc.
  It basically now controls my life.

That's it in a nutshell really... what lead me here in the first place.
WHY I'm here is for information from other people on medications, talking therapies, how others cope with some of the aforementioned symptoms.

Any info on your experiences with Mirtazapine and the behavioral aspects would be great as both of these things are fairly new to me.
Or even if you just feel the same - I'd like to get as much information as possible to face this head on - something has to be done and if I don't try even a little, nothing's going to change.