tl:dr
recently, i've experienced stronger bouts of anxiety related to going outside. just, i really can't do it sometimes. there's too much noise there & things & people & fhkjghjfd. it's really getting to me.
early this morning, at the thought of getting up for class (which i like) & going through the routine of showering (& the chances i may have to wait for the shower affecting my schedule) & then picking out clothes, making sure i remember to put everything in my bag, when i have to leave in case i have to wait ages for the bus & if the bus doesn't turm up, what i have to do then. etcetctec. at the thought of this, i had a nervous breakdown. & now i can't leave my room.
it's affecting my social life as well now. i have friends. lots of friends. but i always feel as though i'm just pissing them off with my inability to be the person i 'used to be' (who is the person i am now).
one of my flatmates has fallen out with me recently because she's turned my problems onto herself & has been demonising myself & my condition to my other friends, saying 'oh, she's changed.' i haven't changed. this just happens sometimes (all the time; i just can't control it right now).
the problem; it's not helping my current depressive state. i've suffered from depression since i was 11 since anxiety began to manifest itself in relation to other people. i feel so horrendously inadequate.
i have to wait up to three weeks until my university's counselling service can offer me short term sessions. until then, i just can't figure out what i can do to get on with life as best as i can.
i'm depressed & then my brain gets full of things that make me more depressed & then i can't sort them out & then i get anxious which makes me depressed.
i'm sorry if this is a) in the wrong forum & b) making no sense, but can anyone offer any kind of advice or examples of their own experiences in relation to anything above & how they have overcome these problems?