any ideas?

[direction]

tl:dr
recently, i've experienced stronger bouts of anxiety related to going outside. just, i really can't do it sometimes. there's too much noise there & things & people & fhkjghjfd. it's really getting to me.
early this morning, at the thought of getting up for class (which i like) & going through the routine of showering (& the chances i may have to wait for the shower affecting my schedule) & then picking out clothes, making sure i remember to put everything in my bag, when i have to leave in case i have to wait ages for the bus & if the bus doesn't turm up, what i have to do then. etcetctec. at the thought of this, i had a nervous breakdown. & now i can't leave my room.
it's affecting my social life as well now. i have friends. lots of friends. but i always feel as though i'm just pissing them off with my inability to be the person i 'used to be' (who is the person i am now).
one of my flatmates has fallen out with me recently because she's turned my problems onto herself & has been demonising myself & my condition to my other friends, saying 'oh, she's changed.' i haven't changed. this just happens sometimes (all the time; i just can't control it right now).
the problem; it's not helping my current depressive state. i've suffered from depression since i was 11 since anxiety began to manifest itself in relation to other people. i feel so horrendously inadequate.
i have to wait up to three weeks until my university's counselling service can offer me short term sessions. until then, i just can't figure out what i can do to get on with life as best as i can.
i'm depressed & then my brain gets full of things that make me more depressed & then i can't sort them out & then i get anxious which makes me depressed.
i'm sorry if this is a) in the wrong forum & b) making no sense, but can anyone offer any kind of advice or examples of their own experiences in relation to anything above & how they have overcome these problems?

[gypsywomen]

are you taking meds for it ,, it sounds like your under a lot of stress ,and worrying about panicing ..there are ways you can control it if you go to right side of pbage and click on panic attacks there is very good imformation, be strong when we feel down ,we think others see it and dont want to know us ,but often it ist the case .if you have a good friend try and have a talk to them about how you feel talking does help love maggie

[PoppyC]

Hi Direction
I am sorry that you are feeling as you are.
I can relate to some of what you wrote.
I had/have anxiety, which then brought on agoraphobia and other things. I can only be outdoors with either someone else or my dog. The noise outdoors from traffic, and other people walking about, and even the wind blowing against me, sends my anxiety sky high. I live in a rural area too!
If I am going out to wherever, be it for just a walk or to work, I have to get fully organised much earlier before I go, because my panic rises before I go out, everytime, and then the smallest of things not going quite right can set me off, and if I am trying to organise clothes or anything else, then I get really flustered and then I get really stressed and it makes me not want to go out - I end up usually crying and stressed and totally depressed.
Could you maybe organise your clothes and things for your course, the night before? Just try and make everything as simple as possible for yourself, for the following morning, so that you are not rushing around? Could you get an earlier bus? so if you miss that one, then at least you still have time to get another?
As for your flatmate, I think she is behaving in a very insensitive way, which I personally would not put up with anyway. Could you maybe have a word with her and explain how you feel? Friends should be there to help and support not to call you for how you are not being yourself. Having anxiety and depression is awful, they are illnesses and it makes me mad when people think of it all as being just a case of us being 'miserable' or 'no fun anymore'. If it was an illness that showed itself physically, then people take notice but when it is mentally and cannot be seen, then it is totally different.
You are not horrendously inadequate at all. You have got to university and despite having anxiety since a young age. I think you have done well!
You mentioned going to see the uni counsellor? Could you try to get the appt brought forward earlier? What about going to see the gp?
Do you take any medication?
I had severe anxiety plus had a nervous breakdown, but although I am not 100% better yet, I am nearly there in a lot of ways. You will get better eventually. Medication really has helped me, plus counselling too and self help.
I really hope you get the help you need and that your friends realise that you are suffering at the moment. You need support not criticism.
Do your parents know how you feel? Would you be able to go home for a couple of weeks to have a rest~?
Let us know how you get on.
Sending hugs