Fear of partner dying...please help!

[karlyo]

Hi everyone,

I thought I would post this after what is really years of coping with this problem, to see if I am alone in this. I am an anxious person, I always have been, I have had panic attacks, breathing problems, tension headaches and health anxiety issues where I always assume the worst is happening to me.

But I have a particular fear of my boyfriend dying. This fear is TOTALLY irrational - I know that, so what frustrates me is why I can't get over it.
Some examples...

We live in the city so hardly drive, but if he is driving to visit his parents, or goes somewhere for work (i.e. a long 3 hour stint on the motorway) I think he will have a crash and die. If he doesn't call me to say he is safe within a normal amount of time, I start panicking.

If he is late coming home from work or a night out, and isn't picking up his phone, I think he has been mugged and beaten up.

He's really into running and goes for short but fast jogs a few times a week, when he gets back he is always really out of breath. I always think he is going to drop down with a heart attack, even though he is fit, healthy and 25!!!

If I'm away for a week and he's home alone, I worry that he will choke on his food and die....

You get the picture? I try not to let him know how bad it is because we have an amazing relationship and I don't want him to think I'm totally insane, but he does know I have anxiety problems.

The question is, how can I stop this? The worry when, for example, he is late back from a night out and I can't reach him is just terrifying - usually he has just got his phone on silent and hasn't heard it ring. But I will be sitting there shaking and crying until he gets back - why can't I just go to sleep like a normal person? In addition of course, I know that if any of these unlikely things happen, there is nothing I can do about it anyway, so it is pointless worrying! But still....I worry.

If anyone has advice, I would love to hear it - thanks in advance!

Karlyo

[Anxious_gal]

personally I think it could be obsessive compulsive thoughts your having?
I think you would benefit from positive thinking and CBT!
I do get what you are on about, when I was young any time my mum went to the pub I would be terrified that she would never come back!
It's a fear but its almost like a ritual, when ever he goes away you start spending your time worrying and thinking up all sorts of ways he might die, you may even be thinking about you would cope if this were to actually happen!
could be depression too, antidepressants might help too.
but after rereading your post I really think you would benefit from seeing some kind of doctor as I'm sure these fears/thoughts cause you an awful amount of distress.

[Louise2009]

Hiya,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with the last post, I think some councelling would be great for you. Have you had any before?

Also I think it is right that you don't tell your partner too much about these fears. This is only my opinion, but I believe it could affect your partner. Before I got ill with terrible anxiety I was in a relationship with someone who worried about everything and was really over causious - and then I got ill. I really believe that his stress rubbed off on me and helped to make me ill.

I really hope you feel better soon, and I am sure some councelling would help.

xx