Hi all,
Right i need to get thi out of my head so im saying Sorry now ok!
Right i don't like talking about my prolems that much so here goes![Sigh...]
ive been sat here all day thinking weather it be sat at my computer in bed or in a bath of why i self harm and all i can come up with is that when i was 16years old i was raped.:([V] by this bloke! the thing is my friend saw it but she said that she thought it was a boyfriend and girl friend peeing around.
Well it wasn't it was ME:(
So when i told her, she was like well i was gonna help but thats what i though!
So i was a state a real mess! :(
So we told no one else as i felt unclean,dirty,worthless useless! and so much more.

So i started self harming to try and get it all out of my body, as i could still feel him on my skin which i dont like as it makes me feel sick when ever i write it down as i cannot speak it aloud.

So no one knows about this at all as i didnt anyone incase they didn't believe me or worse say that they believed me to my face and then behind my back calling me every name under the sun.
So i started harming really bad and i started to try and get back to my life and to try and forget about it as much as i can.
i was doing pretty well apart from the self harming and the depression but i was trying to get on.

Then thats when it happend 6 months ago.
I was with the same girl at her and her boy friends house andshe went to bed and left us up watchin dvd's (as i didnt sleep back then either) and he... well we were sat on his black lether couch and he went in to give me a cuddle so i gave him one back as we were mates or so i thought!

Then it happend.
He wouldnt let go of me at all i tried to push him off but he was just to strong for me. He gripped both of my arms at the top tightly and wouldn't let go. All i could do was think " Oh god not again please,im gonna die! please let her come down stairs and save me from this hell!"
But she didn't!
He put his hand ova my mouth and said " If you make any noise i will just keep doing it, if your silent it will be over"
so i led there terriefied to move or to make a noise and then he was doing it he was raping me!:(:(:(
I ended up unconcious
when i came round there was blood everywhere!
Well i fell pregnant but lost the baby,
i was all alone as i didn't want to tell anyone as i'm still scared he will come and do it again:([V][V]
I was walking down my steet the other day to the shop and there he was![:O] i just froze he looked right at me and even asked me how i was! i just ran back home locked all my doors, windows and shut all my curtains and cried my eyes out all day. I can still see his face everytime i close my eyes!

I have never told any one this before but this needed to cum out i cant hold it in any more as i think its makin me worse. :([V]
I know its alot to take in, but i had to get it out of my head. sorry
Thank you for reading this, hope i haven't upset anyone with this post.

kitty
[:X]