Joke

[margaret jones]

He didnt like the casserole
And he didnt like my cake
He said my biscuits where to hard
Not like his mother used to make
I didnt perk the coffee right
He didnt like my stew
I didnt mend his socks
The way his mother used to do
I pondered for a answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and SMACKED him one
Like his mother used to do .

[Richiebrum]

I joined a nudist colony last week....

The first few days were the hardest!

[99% dead inside]

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

- Humphrey

[mick_uk]

Penguin walks into a bar and says to the barmaid "Has my dad been in here today?"
The barmaid says " I don't know. What does he look like?"

[JohnBliss]

Since it started snowing my wife's been looking through the window. If it doesn't stop soon I'll just have to let her in !!!

[missy007]

Thats bad

[judipat]

a plane is on its way to toronto , when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."

the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman, who won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
the flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and
asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"i told her, "first class isn't going to toronto ".

[judipat]

Marriage Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriagecertificatefor an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

[judipat]

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing
Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin'
organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception,
the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in
that. Whit's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white

[sam34]

awww brilliant jokes allways good to lighten the mood