My life story is long and arduous so I won't go into it, but the last 8 months has been absolute HELL for more than one reason. I haven't accepted my 'lot' in life but have given up. I used to come on here a lot and try to help or reassure people but I've even given up on that - Sorry!! How can someone who is still suffering fear after all these years possibly reassure someone?!
I still get fear attacks but a lot of my problems are depression and grief. I cannot get over losing my beloved cat over 8 months ago and I know it's because I have no life, I merely exist.
I'm not looking for answers because there are none. I feel exhausted from trying to just make it through the day with horrible feelings and thoughts. I feel my body will just give up one of these days and as long as it's in my sleep and I don't suffer anymore, I'm not bothered. I always believed even 30 years back that I would get well, but it has got worse over the years and I'm tired of it.
I just needed to let someone know how I feel
Thanks for reading if you did.
Els
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hi elspeth - im really sorry you feel so low at the moment - i dont know that much about you so forgive me if im wrong - but you say you only exist? are you basically alone? if you have had a hard time of it and you struggle with anxiety and depression, then life is an almost permanent struggle - and coping with that you should be very very proud of yourself - i know that that wont in itself acheive anything - i mean feeling good about yourself, when you still dont feel you can do anything to change your life, wont sort out all your problems, but its a good start?
Originally Posted by Elspeth
the worst thing i have had to face in life is that there is no support for me - i dont know if that is the same for you? - but through therapy and mindfulness meditation i have been able to 'see' that the way we think really does have a massive impact on our mental state and physical health - i have had to let go of all thoughts of wanting to be cared for or loved or cherished or whatever - it still breaks my heart to see others being cared for - but the bottom line is this for me - i have to care about myself, even if no-one else does! - i had to stop listening to the thoughts in my head that said that if no-one cares or goes out of their way for me or supports me then im useless and unloveable - i have had to accept since the death of my mum 17 years ago that i am on my own -even when im not actually on my own i still am as no-one i know even remotely understands how ive felt for most of my life, and it isnt in my mind - everyone i know takes and is mainly concerned with themselves - they havent been touched by anything that has changed them, or they arent very sensitive/caring to begin with, and they dont understand how it feel to be anxious and sad for most of the time. if i ever want anything doing i have to ask, and when ive been at my worst no-one has even noticed!
