i think im going through hell

[Wannabeloved85]

Im struggling to write this. im not anxious, just worried about the replies. I cant see a doctor.
Every morning i wake up, my ears sort of pop, i feel like im shouting, and they wont un-pop. I geta sore throat and tension in my neck and shouders. It doesnt really make me anxious anymore, just very very concerned, and when i think of phoning a dr, i panic. I panic that something serios will happen, and being housebound,i dont like that idea. The tension i dont like, but the ears thing? what is that? its sort of happening on the inside, not my ears. er..cant explain. liek my tonsils or something,im not sure. and it makes my throat really sore and today i feel like theres something sharp coming up in my throat, its awful, im a little anxious but more scared and concerned about my health and the fact that i do not want a dr to come and see me and say "hospital for tests" :( i hate it.

[molly15]

im sorry your having a bad time anxiety produces horrible sensations we cant explain .i get weird feelings all the time and wen i try and explain them they make no sense.but it feels so real and is.all part of this horrid anxiety.hope this helps abit take care marcia

marcia lowe

[freakedout]

Hello there wannabe,

Do not worry about the replies you get to this post, they are only the opinions of others and are intended to support you not make you feel any more uncomforatable than you do already.

I sympathise with your fear of seeing a doctor and especially if you are looking ahead and visualise yourself somewhere else having tests and treatments etc. I guess at this stage the tests that would happen would be for the doctor to have a look into your ears and at your throat. How long have you had the symptoms? they may have gone tomorrow.

I hope that you are feeling a little better soon. I have a really sore throat at the mo as a result of some horrid infection but refuse to go to the docs. Have been in bed for the last two days shiverring away with a temperature, probably needed antibiotics!! But, I get a severe throat 'thing' with my anxiety and panic and it is unbearable at the time, I always paint the worst picture for myself and convince myself it is cancer. It usually goes without intervention in the end. It can be there for days on and off though. I am only saying this to try to reassure you because I know how awful it can be.

Take care [^]

Louisa [^]

[Wannabeloved85]

hey, Thanks for the replies.
Ive had the ears thing {feels like im shouting in one ear} for 2 years, i got it the first day i attempted to start work, they sorta popped and i was shouting {or thought i was!} so i put it down to anxiety cos i ws nervous about the job. Its strange cos every morning i fell poop cos of my ears, then at around 4 ish i begind to unwind and feel much much better. I dont understand it really lol unless im more of a night person.

[rois]

If you feel more comfortable at home could you try and get the doc to make a house call, just to check everythings ok? We all know how difficult it is so don't worry about the replies, no-one's gona condemn you or bully you into doing something you're not comfy with. If you do see the doc and he sends you for tests, explain to them that you suffer from anxiety, this should make them more understanding- if you've got a panic rescue bag bring it with you, if not the get one made up of all the things that make you feel better. best wishes, rois

"Ther goes the fear, let it go. You turn around and life's passed you by, you look to those you love to justify...there goes the fear."

[Wannabeloved85]

OK, So i dont know just where i am. I feel like im trapped somewhere or something, Like this isnt my life. Just trying to stay positive is hard. I keep trying to convince myself that im ok. But since yesterday ive had like a giddy feeling, right above my stomach, like a burning excitement feeling, that make sense? That came yesterday as soon as a neighbour's relation came round to borrow a ladder cos our neighbour had collapsed. Is it possible to have this feeling for soo long? My throats killing me. I did the worse possible thing and searched the nhs, didnt let it get to me thoh cos i know im proberbly fine. I always am, it just takes time to drill it in,ya'know? aarrghhhh!!!!!

And because i always go to my room when im ill {see,still running from fear!} my sister says ill proberbly die in my room,cos ill never see a doctor. Maybe i do need a proper check up. Might put my mind at ease, its just i have this irrational fear of dr's. I just swear theyre going to say somethign i dont want to hear. And yes,she'd prob come out, but last time, i still panicked b4 hand. But this would be an actual physical check up. I just dont know! I think imhaving a majour set back. I look out the window and fear going out front, i was getting better at that. I sit in my room and feel like its too small. Im not going crazy...yet, but i feel i need serious help, but if i wont/cant accept it, what can i do? like this cbt, ive been on the waiting list a long time now its getting closer and closer, IM DREADING IT! How can i go places with someone if i panic everytime they visit? i cant even trust my mums best friend whose been coming round for 9 yrs, or my sister and not my mum really. Im like alone. i really beginning to think why me again, i can kick this thing, i know, but the amount of doubt is unbelievable. The power of panic just cannot be under estimated.

[Wannabeloved85]

Ive made the decision to leave the forum. Im very grouchy etc and i dont feel im getting the support i need at the moment. I am currently going through hell. I have never ever been this bad.

I want to thank all those who have helped me and i wish you all the best of luck. I may be back from time to time, just to check in.

Take care
Becci x x x

[andrew]

hi becci, how are you doing? .. take care andrew