hello..
not really sure what I posting here for but its good for me as a way of writing it down!
I became 'ill' in early Feb last year, my worst day being Feb14th of all days! and as the year has gone on I have had so many ups and downs i've lost count! But it is truly making me learn so much about myself and how i live my life. I've had some great CBT therapy, invaluable support from here, taken up yoga, take vit B complex, fish oils and have been on meds for about 10 months.. but i'm constantly learning.
Life has been just fine lately, but recently i've been noticing i'm getting more anxious, ie. waking early in the morning.. and thinking so much.. I've noticed my self talk is becoming negative again.. but i know this is because its nearly a year since it started and i'm worried about it happening again as i'm doing the same lectures at uni that i was doing last year, so there are so many triggers too.. but now i totally recognise this, so am doing meditation every day, pulling back my negative self talk and making it positive and taking extra care of myself..
I never thought i'd say this, but panic attacks dont bother me anymore because i know its my body's way of needing time out and infact i haven't had one for months.. i woke up early tues morning feeling very panicky and thought, ah come on then, do your worst.. and i fell asleep again!! I do believe I can totally get through this and we all MUST tell ourselves we are worth it and we can do it.. I think we have to start REALLY liking ourselves and looking after ourselves more and this way our lives can only become richer.. wow getting all spiritual now!!
people told me i wouldn't be the same person after this and that scared me, but now i'm pleased - i am the same person just better informed and like myself a bit more.[8D]
I could blabber on forever actually, but when i'm writing here next week freaking out about my year anniversary, please point me back to this!!
oh and one more thing, i remember once meg said, that these feelings are transient and i didn't really understand, now i do. I've experience joy and excitement so I know it can come back if I have a down day.
take care all,
Lisa
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
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