My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
(July 5 - 1 days since first Cipralex tablet)
Right, well the title of this section should tell you all you need to know if have have read previous posts.
Last night, after a pretty tough week, I decided that my five week (?) long experiment of not taking the prescribed meds to deal with my anxiety/depression and panic and seeing if I could just beat it on my own hadn't been a success.
I really wanted to try and do it and I have had good days and good periods but the underlining problems simply haven't shifted.
At the end of last week I had the busy, buzzing day I referred to in an earlier post and at the weekend I had a couple of very nice things happen personally but even with these strong rays of sunshine the darkness continued and I just know that fighting back in my own strength and/or wishful thinking just isn't enough at the moment.
So last night I took my first pill again - 5mg. I think when I restarted the course (which is where this diary began) I started too quickly having been told to do 5mg for a week and then 10mg. Instead I went to 10mg within a couple of days out of impatience and my body reacted in a way that made the side effects worse than I remember. For some 10mg or 20 from the off seems fine - for me it was too much too soon. So I am pacing myself this week - 5mg every other day, 5mg a day from the weekend and then 10mg at the end of the following week.
So how do I feel about it all? Well I can't pretend I am not disappointed that the feeling I had that this time I was going to beat it alone wasn't the case but at least now I feel as if I am doing something which should hopefully lift the spirits.
I am not exactly thrilled at the thought of side effects (I mean do we need any more reasons to sweat in sweltering Britain at the moment??!!) but as I know I will tell this diary time and time again side effects prove something is happening. And I do need something to happen.
Wish me well - and whatever happens I will be back to record it . Warts and all.
Thanks for reading - and good luck to everyone whatever battle they face.
Kind regards
Sam