please help i can't stop crying!!

[stacy1912]

Hi

I have spent all weekend stressed and in tears!

I have got chronic leg pain that seem to happen when i am sitting or lying in bed. I googled it and put it together with my constant niggly ovary pain and I am convinced I have ovarian cancer. I recently had blood results come back with elevated esr and I can't get this out of my head. My gp said my esr was not significantly high and didn't want to do anything. I have booked back in to see the gp on tuesday as i am a wreck!

I am on mirtazapine for this anxiety and I thought it was working but these last few weeks I am getting worse.

Please someone help! I am a single parent with two lovely children one is 15 and my youngest is 5 and I am so scared that I am dying and leaving them.

I am going to ask that the doctor does more blood tests and sends me for a scan.

I just wish i could stop crying and be calm, being like this makes me such a crap mum.

[HaiXiJieJacob]

Well, believe me, you're not a crap mom. Going through these health anxieties is normal. But, your going to either have to trust your doctor or get a second opinion. Google is a great tool for information, but a terrible tool for those of us with health anxiety.

Google is not a doctor, in fact, no website, despite its limitless amount of medical information, is a human doctor and it cannot replace a human doctor.

You have to stop searching your symptoms online. It was incredibly hard for me, and I still do it on occasion, but it's the key to mental wellness. If you aren't satisfied with your current doctor's opinion, you could always go for a second opinion.

But, one thing's for sure, you're not a crap mom, but you sure are doing an incredible job of keeping it together. Just don't google, it won't help and it will only lead to finding worst case scenario situations, which are minimal at best. Keep your chin up.

[jothenurse]

My counselor would like to throw my computer away because I do this forum and google things, like medicine, etc. I told him that I thought this forum had useful information on it. I did tell him I would try not to google the other stuff as much. Also, my doctor told me to hide my blood pressure cuff and that I wasn't supposed to be checking my pulse. Hard not to do that, but I'm trying.

[HaiXiJieJacob]

My counselor would like to throw my computer away because I do this forum and google things, like medicine, etc. I told him that I thought this forum had useful information on it. I did tell him I would try not to google the other stuff as much. Also, my doctor told me to hide my blood pressure cuff and that I wasn't supposed to be checking my pulse. Hard not to do that, but I'm trying.

I don't see any problem with using this forum, so long as you don't use it for any other purpose than what it is: a support group.

Googling things like illnesses, medicines and whatnot is both compulsive and obsessive -- two characteristics that liken health anxiety to OCD.

Also, using medical tools, such as blood pressure cuffs, is perfectly normal. However, they are not intended for frequent use. They are intended to be used to periodically check one's blood pressure. So, hiding it might not be a bad idea.

Try to wane off of Google and medical websites slowly. In time these things do pass.

[gypsywomen]

i must say this site has been a god send when i was very bad ,,this was the only place that understood ND HELPED ME ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY ,,

[stacy1912]

Thank you for all your replies.

i have managed to leave the house for two hours with my youngest, I took her to the park. I tried to hold it together but I kept thinking I won't have many more times like this with her. I am so certain in my head that I have not got much time left.

I will see the doctor and tell her how rough I feel and that the only place I can feel settled is under the duvet. I will ask her to check me over again and run tests.

This anxiety is awful and is consuming me.

[HaiXiJieJacob]

Stacy,

not a single one of us are in control of our health as much as we wish we could be. However, thinking such negative thoughts as those are only going to cause you to spiral into worse bouts of anxiety and depression. Anxiety, especially health anxiety, is really affected by your mood and thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts and your mind, but you cannot control your health.

What you can do is continue to be good to your body in the best ways you know how. The only thing I have learned to accept with health anxiety is there is not a dam*ed thing we can do to control our health, but we are in control of our thoughts, our habits including what we eat and drink, and those things can affect our mental and physical health in ways that we can't imagine.

Don't fuel the fire with such negative pessimistic thoughts that will only make your anxiety worse. Two of my family members, my mother and sister were diagnosed with different forms of cancer at different times. My sister was cured of her breast cancer last year, and my mother just had surgery to remove a lump on her kidney (that did not metastasize). When my mother called me a couple of months ago to inform me of her kidney cancer, I immediately began thinking to myself, "Oh shi*, first my sister, now my mother...I guess I am next."

Well, the truth is, it's been 2 months since my mother called, and when she called it really sent my overboard into a bout of depression, anxiety and worry so deep that I would ask my fiancee and her mother who's a doctor about all sorts of health conditions, symptoms and the lot. I was CONVINCED I had brain cancer, lung cancer, testicular cancer, the lot of it for days and then days turned to weeks, and finally its starting to dwindle. But, I worked myself up into such a frenzy I have been having neck pains and upper shoulder pains from anxiety.

So, you see, the more you worry, the more you fuel the fire. Trust your doctor, as I trust my fiancee's mother. If you don't trust him/her, seek a second opinion. But, please remember, you ARE IN CONTROL of your thoughts and your habits, and only you can control those things to make sure you are living the best life you can. God bless.

[stacy1912]

Thank you everything you say is true and the biggest problem is my negative outlook!! I will work on this and try to enjoy each day without fretting about tomorrow! I hope your mum and sister get through their individual battles and that you continue to beat your anxiety. Thank you I will stop asking Dr Google and trust my own GP !

[HaiXiJieJacob]

Thank you. My sister and mother are strong and I have faith they will pull through and be fine. Anxiety is no different, it requires strength, a bit of mental reconditioning, but most of all, YOU to be in control of yourself, not anxiety being in control of YOU. We will pull through, we will have relapses, and when we do relapse, we won't beat ourselves up over it, because we will know that that's the normal healing process.

Keep fighting, be happy any be good to yourself.

[constantworrier418]

Hi stacey, I feel excalty the same way as you do - in particular when I'm with my son and the frightening thoughts cross my mind that I may not have much time left with him. Sometimes I find the health worries so debilitating and I spend time just thinking what if I have this or that? It haunts me most days and even now I'm writing on this site so I'm not tempted to google more sypmtons or forms of cancer becasue I know that if I do I will make my situation so much worse.

As for you worries - ask for a specific blood test CA 125 and i believe it can detect high levels of a hormone which may suggest ovarian cancer - my Mum was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer in 2003 and it was diagnosed in the latter stages of the tumour - grade 3. BUT she recovered and touch wood has not had any reoccurences of the disease. There are specific symptons which you've probably read up on but I would suggest you go to your doctor and state what you are worried about and ask for a scan and the blood test, if they refuse I would see another doctor and politely make it clear your not happy will letting this go without further investigation.

Good luck and feel free to chat on here x