Have you changed??

[lior]

Hello - yes I've changed with things like that too. I'll always try and do the quicker option. These drugs change your brain so expect anything... but I see citalopram as a rescuer. It hasn't made me happy but it's stopped me from hurting myself.

I agree that cit has changed me, but seeing all your replies I more convinced than ever that it is not doing me any good - sorry to be a downer on the thread! I really wish I was with all of you.

I was quite severely depressed when my gp put me onto 20mg. I went back to him a week later and he told me to double up to 40mg; that was back in December.

The most notable changes I'm aware of are panic - from the moment I open my eyes my stomach goes into a knot. an almost overwhelming desire to top myself - that prompted the increase to 40mg but its still there. I have also started having sweaty nightmares and flashbacks about things that I didnt remember.

All of that is rather exhausting so my immediate reaction is to fall asleep whenever I can - I'd be lucky if I could get through a half hour episode of Futurama, and I've even fallen asleep in mid-conversation! And then sitting awake from 3am :P

I decided not to go back to my gp after being let down by him so I have another week or so before I will be off them.

I've got lots in common with this! I thought about killing myself constantly so I asked for a dose increase, and 40mg has done the trick - that was in December too and I sleep a lot too. It helps me avoid feeling too bad. My dream mind takes care of it better.

However, I really think you should go back to your doctor - well, a doctor, any doctor - before you stop taking them. Have you been cutting down over time? You can't just suddenly stop taking 40mg citalopram, you have to phase it out, otherwise you will get really ill. It's also good to know you have a professional there for you if you start getting some really awful withdrawal side effects.

Good luck tho I'm coming off mine soon too!

[Jannie2948]

Morning Jean
I never really understand what 'derealization' actually means, or what it feels like. I get those feelings that I am watching me from outside and that I am not really in the moment and that I'm either going too slow or am waiting for something to happen to me, all very strange feelings. I can only think that this is the cit because I never used to have these feelings, but then I felt so ill before, I was always scared and so anxious all the time. For me I would sooner feel like this than how I felt before. But I am able to do things now that 6-7 months ago I couldn't but I still get anxious if I start to feel unwell when I am away from home, but then everyone feels unwell at some time and they don't panic about it, that's the part I wish I could stop in my mind. I still get the chatter going on but it is definitely better, although I would so love that to stop. I was out with friends the other night in the West End having my eyebrows done!!! and I had to go on the underground, which I so hate. I felt shaky and so hot and thought I was gonna have one of those moments but I managed to get past it. We had a real life in the salon where we get the eyebrows done and I forgot all about feeling unwell.

The only down side I have on the increased dose of cit is that I have put on weight!! I lost 2 stone when I first started on it because I could hardly eat at all, now I want to eat everything in sight, the strange thing is though I never eat any junk. My son cooks everything for me, and everything is completely healthy but the weight has gone back on and I hate it, but if I'm honest I would put up with the weight just to have the peace of mind. I'm gonna start doing more exercise, just bought myself a Wii thingy to try and do more exercise at home :-)

Sorry to go on like this, but I do think all of this is normal for cit according to lots of the posts I have read about it. See how you go and have a word with your Dr, you may need to increase but as I've said, it is still quite early days for you. Oh to feel normal again, that's the day I am looking forward to, if and when it comes

Hope you have a good weekend and when that chatter starts just tell it to pee off!!! and get busy

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

Morning Jannie!!
The derealisation is what you described. I just seem to be feeling anxious in the mornings or is it excitement?? We are only clearing the garden and have a barbeque at my sons place , Maybe I cant contain myself at the prospect of socialising who knows?? At least I am on fortnightly visits to the doctor now, I go next friday so heres hoping. well done you on the underground,thats a gold star moment
You mentioned the eating thing, I eat more healthily now its hi fibre more fresh food and exercise well I am still persuading myself on that one!! I have a exerise bike a mini trampette and an eliptial trainer. they are very good clothes hangers haha.
With the cit did you feel at in the early stages they were not working or am I still expeting too much too soon. Oh well . I had best get dressed and water the pot pants before the sun comes round, Its getting hotter! have a lovely weekend. I will more likely than not post more ,but I see it as a comfort sometimes.
Bye, Jean

[RichW]

Hi Rich
I have a question. today or this week infact has been ok-fine even.Today there has been a tiny ball of anxiety rising. I have not been able to sit still, I cannot concentrate and seem to be experiencing re runs of when I was little. So weird. Any similiarities with you.
Jean

Hi Jean

A couple of weeks ago, I went through a period of about 3 days where I felt a lurking anxiety. Not sure what that was all about but luckily it went away and I've been feeling great since. I do, every so often, stop and think to myself: whoa I can't believe this is all happening so normally. I definitely do not let strong negative emotions rule my life anymore and I just seem to be able to let things go more easily, rather than stressing and worrying about them.

Cheers


Rich

[muzz]

Hi Jean,

yeah, my gp wasn't all that interested in gradually changing the dosage - I started on 20, then 40 and the last time I saw him he wanted to up it to 60. That was before I found out that the surgery had been f--king me around.

But re your other post about derealisation - omg. the transitions from 0-20 and 20-40 where insane. I was conscious, but it seems that there was only a very distant link between me & my body. moving my head was like living life through a webcam.

[muzz]

Hi Lior,

yes I agree, while I was completely numb before and the pills may have sorted some of that out, they certainly haven't made me anti-depressed. I'm still down, and on a bad day down and suicidal.

Sleep is ace. I think I do it mostly out of exhaustion, but given the choice I would rather do that than do anything else. Which isn't all that good with the panic attacks and social apprehension I have developed.

I have stopped taking them, its been a couple days and I think I have a dull headache coming on. Do you think I should maybe chop them up into little bits?

[Jannie2948]

Morning Jannie!!
The derealisation is what you described. I just seem to be feeling anxious in the mornings or is it excitement?? We are only clearing the garden and have a barbeque at my sons place , Maybe I cant contain myself at the prospect of socialising who knows?? At least I am on fortnightly visits to the doctor now, I go next friday so heres hoping. well done you on the underground,thats a gold star moment
You mentioned the eating thing, I eat more healthily now its hi fibre more fresh food and exercise well I am still persuading myself on that one!! I have a exerise bike a mini trampette and an eliptial trainer. they are very good clothes hangers haha.
With the cit did you feel at in the early stages they were not working or am I still expeting too much too soon. Oh well . I had best get dressed and water the pot pants before the sun comes round, Its getting hotter! have a lovely weekend. I will more likely than not post more ,but I see it as a comfort sometimes.
Bye, Jean

Good morning Jean
I remember feeling like that in the mornings, couldn't seem to get my head clear at all, used to get ready for work in a panic and had to meet a friend to get on the train. It does get better though but I found it at least 6 weeks before I felt anywhere near normal'ish. I still have some mornings like that but they are very few and far between thank gawd. You will get there I am sure, these feelings do get better and you won't have then so often.

I agree about the diet thing, mine is very healthy and I also take quite a few vitamins etc that I have read about on-line. I just think it is a side effect of the cit but I am going to have to work at losing it cos some of my clothes are not fitting me!!! My boys always used to say every time I brought a new piece of equipment "that'll make a nice clothes hanger" and so they did!! I thought at least with the Wii it can be shut away in a drawer :-)

I'm off out today to drive my friend to get some bits for her dogs and then going shopping, and then tomorrow we are going to a car boot and then to the country to get pigeon food, they keep racing pigeons. I hadn't been driving for a few months so it feels good to be able to get out again. I did in the past have a couple of panic attacks whilst driving and I hated motorway driving, but I'm determined to get past that :-)

Have a good time at the barbecue and I'm sure you will be fine. I was actually out in a restaurant last night with my sons and daughter-in-law and I was fine, couldn't do that a few months ago, so yippee!!!!! You will be fine, especially with your family around you. Have a lovely weekend

Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

Hi JANNIE YOU HAVE AN ACE WEEKEND TOO .'THE SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON.......'
JEAN

[lior]

I have stopped taking them, its been a couple days and I think I have a dull headache coming on. Do you think I should maybe chop them up into little bits?

Yes take half ones! I have to take 20mg for a month when I stop the 40mg, and then 20mg on alternate days after that - for another month. So the phasing out is over a whole two months. Do you have enough pills to last about that long?

But yeah, I'm the same with sleep. I went through a time where I'd sleep about 15 hours every day. I still do sometimes I guess. But it means my waking hours are much better...

[Jannie2948]

Hi JANNIE YOU HAVE AN ACE WEEKEND TOO .'THE SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON.......'
JEAN

Hip hip hip hooray, the sun has got his hat on and is coming out to play

Enjoy it, this might be our summer

Jannie x x