Ok, im on my monthly so my hormones are playing havoc with my anxiety.

I know i need a new eye prescription so i shouldnt be panicking about my eyesight. im short sighted and have been since i was 13 so i know that the vision in my left eye has got weaker and so i just need stronger glasses. the flaoters arent even bothering me as much now. my anxiety is now focusing on the fact that things seem a little blurred (not too much) in my left eye and i know its just cos i need stronger glasses and i know eyes can get weaker after giving birth so i shouldnt be worried. but i am!

i feel weak and stupid because im worried but i dont even really know what im worried about. i dont think im going blind because i know im not so what am i worried about?! to make it worse i keep looking at bright white shiny kitchen wall tiles and obviously looking at them with 20/20 vision would still look bright or odd so why do i keep doing it and thinking about my left eye when i know im being stupid?

i also have a lot of glare in my glasses, i need new ones really cos theyre very scratched and smudged and no amount of cleaning them helps really so probably alot of the problem is because of that. last time i went to the optition he joked that its no wonder i cant see well because my last glasses were a mess so i know its probably mainly that and im not longer panicking about losing my sight because i know its quite rare for someone to just 'lose' sight especially at my age (26) and the thing is, I CAN STILL SEE EVERYTHING! it just somethings at a distance or for reading are a little worse than they were. so why am i panicking and what am i panicking about????????

i want the panic to go away. but because of my hormonal state im finding it hard to fight off!

i dont want to go mad! judt when i get over one anxious monet or day or few days, i feel so happy and relaxed and sane and then it comes back and it piddles me off!! i dont want it. i dont need anxiety, it doea not need to play any part in my life. i didnt ask for it, therefore it should bog off and leave me alone! and what i hate most is that i know its only anxiety but theres this voice/feeling that says 'what if its not anxiety, what if somethings wrong'. and normally i can fight it but today i cant. i keep closing my right eye to check the vision in my left and its not changing which i dont expect it to but its as though i am expecting it to change and i dont know why. its like when you have an ulcer in your mouth you keep poking it with your tongue to check its still there and its annoying me!

im going insane. i wish there was a magic pill called anxiety go away or something. id take it in a heartbeat but i dont want to take pills for months on end when i know i can beat it myself, because i can and i will!

i will. i swear i will. i dont want it therefore im getting rid of it! i hope.

(sorry ive rambled again!!!)