does anyone else feel this way?

[hopefulgyrl]

hi guys, well i want to talk about some of my BIGGEST PROBLEMS, well everytime i date someone i dread meeting their parents,family,friends,etc... i mostly just want it to be a one on one setting with the two of us because of my anxiety....i mean this is one of the hardest things ever for me..sometimes i cry about it because i wish to be that person who can meet and be around anyone and make good conversation and eye contact... i fear sitting on the couch in someones house with a crowd of people or even one or two people trying to mingle ....i freeze up,i'm so afraid that i jump when they move or if something drops,or if a noise is made... i try my best to stay out these type of gatherings..its so dam scary!! it hurt me so much!! i even want to start opening up to guys that i date because i never told anyone i dated that i have social anxiety,i just try to get out of certain situations...i feel maybe when i feel i really care about someone i need to share this with them... maybe my relationships will be better if they knew... guys please help me with this one.. do any of you have these problems?have anyone of you told your partners? did it make you feel better?thanks

[iwillgetbetter]

Hi, do you feel like this just with people you don't know or with everyone? I used to be fine with my friends then nervous with new people, especially men for some reason, but it got worse and worse and now I'm anxious with pretty much everyone. As you've probably heard already, CBT is meant to be excellent to helping with social anxiety. I recently read the CBT Dummies and it seems excellent, there are lots of practical exercises in there. Have you tried anything like that yet? It's supposed to be particularly effective combined with medication but of course not everyone wants to go down that road. If you ever need someone to chat to drop me a PM Faith

[hopefulgyrl]

no i never tried anything like that.. i've tried meds in the past that seemed not to help.... no more meds for me... yes seems like i'm anxious around anyone i have to sit face to face gathering with.... afraid of them looking at me, afraid i have to conversate, and afraid when i'm so anxious i can't conversate and i freeze up....thanks very much

[absentia]

I know the feeling hopefulgyrl.

With my ex I would avoid socialising with the parents. I did meet them and they did like me, but whenever my ex asked us to go out with them for the day I would make up excuses. I also have difficulty eating out in a social environment, so I avoid that like the plague. I never once went out for a meal with my ex and her parents. I always worry about getting into another relationship because of all this. With my next partner (if any at this rate) I will try to tell her I am not looking for a serious relationship and would prefer not to get too involved with each others lives. It probably won't work, but hey.

With you being female a male will definately be more sympathetic and understanding of your problems. I think it is more difficult for a guy to be open when he is expected to be an alpha male. Having social anxiety I feel worthless and not accepted from a female perspective. I am not saying this applies to the whole female population, but I would suspect it applies to the majority. You should be more open with your partners in the future. Any decent guy would accept it and will usually prefer a partner who is less outgoing as themselves. Most males will prefer to take a lead role.