Hi, i just wanted to introduce myself. I'm jamie, 20 from Glasgow.
I have just recently come to terms with my anxiety and i have still to seek help for my problems.
I'm just here to meet other people with the same problems as me as i feel so alone.
Okay so here is my story... and it's a long one, sorry!
As a child i was always seen as the "shy" one.... the "quiet" one.
I was an introvert child, and enjoyed playing by myself.
I never had a problem interacting with other children, i just preferred to play by myself.
At primary school i was a good hard working enthusiastic student.
I had a few friends who i grew up with.
I then went to High School were everything changed.
I became a lot more confident and outgoing. I met so many new friends.
I became a little overconfident actually.
I wasn't a very good student at high school. I would drink out in the streets with my friends and smoke cannabis with them. This went on right through my school years.
Until i turned 16. I left school. I never had any best friends. I had lots of friends and we used to socialize in a group. So when i left school i lost that group. I fell away from most of them, except two.
These two friends would come visit me at my house and we would smoke cannabis all day.
After about a year i kinda fell away from them too. They both found new friends and we drifted apart.
i was left on my own...... Still smoking cannabis everyday!
After about a year of smoking cannabis and not working and not having a social life, i became isolated from society. I was feeling depressed and paranoid and anxious. I knew all of these feelings were because of my drug taking. I was being given the drugs by someone who shouldn't have being giving me them, but i always take responsibility for my own actions.
I then knew that i had to stop smoking the cannabis. And i did! Just like that...
the symptoms did go down a little, but didn't disappear altogether.
During the next few years i was in and out of work, not being able to keep a job for longer than 6 months. I have had NO friends since about 16,17! I don't do much to be honest.
Then last year i took part in a government funded scheme to send me to a developing country to live and volunteer. Pretty much like the american corps. I went and had the best days of my life.
I was a completely different person. I met so many new friends and was just enjoying life.
but that was only temporary. It last for 3 months and then i came home.
I came home to find all my problems waiting for me again.
I came back to the UK last October 2009 and since then i have not been working...
I still have no friends or social life. And i hardly ever go outside.
As mad as it sounds.... with these symptoms i never once thought i had something wrong with me.
I just thought that it was normal or something... i dunno really...
But i have recently looked into social anxiety and agoraphobia and i am starting to believe i may suffer from both.
So i will try to list all of my symptoms.
I hardly ever venture outside.
I only go outside if i really have to. e.g. If i go to get my haircut, i get really anxious about what i will wear and how i will get to the barbers and how i am going to get back and what if i bump into an old friend. I usually take about 2,3 days of planning it.
I get nervous of going out into the garden to collect the washing from the rain in case my neighbors see me.
I get really anxious and nervous when a family member is coming to visit me. I live with my parents,bro and sister and i am completely fine around them. But if an aunt or uncle,cousin is visiting i usually take myself upstairs to my room until they have gone.
I don't like to answer or speak on the phone.
I don't like to answer the door.
When i do decide to go outside for whatever reason, i get extremely self conscious. I try on all different clothes and have to push myself to go out. I hate walking in the streets as i get very self conscious and anxious. I hate waiting for a bus and then getting onto the bus in case someone who knows me will see me.
When i do go out to say the mall or something.... Once i am actually there... i find my anxiety decreases a little... its just getting myself to these places.
I know i need help. This is affecting my whole life. I have no friends,relationships because of it. It's having an affect on my job life... I look for jobs and think i couldn't do that... Its too far away from home... how will i get there...
I just want to ask for any advice.
I have been looking online on different websites and also listening to peoples stories on youtube about social anxiety and agoraphobia and i am almost certain that is what i have.
So what next. I go the the doctors?
I am telling myself that is what i need to do....
But i am anxious once again... What do i say to him? Will he have any idea what im talking about?
What can they offer me....
And most of all... Will i ever get better? Will i ever live a normal happy anxious free life?
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Paige x
