Re: Ms fear and anxiety
Hi there lazzerus,
Wow your story sounds so much like me... I went through a divorce and massive upheaval 3 years ago, moving away from the town where I'd lived for 11 years to a totally new place. I put all my strength into coping with this, and didn't fall apart. I even found a new girlfriend, quite soon after moving, but when that relationship started to fall apart after 2 years together, I started getting horrible physical symptoms.
It started with a feeling of weakness in my hands, which induced panic attacks, where I'd have to go outside and walk around for a while to make sure that I could still move. I'd find when I walked I would feel really unsteady and off balance, and my legs would feel like jelly and feel like they weren't going to support me.
I get terrrible pain in my neck and shoulders, mostly in the trapezius muscle on my right side. My whole body feels tight and tensed up and aching. I am exhausted all the time, unable to concentrate, obsessed with my condition. I get twitches across my body, my arms and legs jerk sometimes, there are crawling twitches in my calf muscles, I get pins and needles and headaches and tightness in my scalp and numbness in my face. I've managed to keep working but I have no idea how.
Like you I have obsessed about MS, and also ALS. My body literally feels like it is stopping working, slowly but surely, and it won't be long before I am unable to move, unable to do anything for myself. That's what this "anxiety" feels like. This has understandably led to a quite serious depression as I just don't know which way to turn anymore.
I just wonder if, people like us who have been in relationships for so long, some part of us doesn't know how to live on our own, so we fall apart. I find it some coincidence that my symptoms really began to rage as soon as I was single again.
I have actually been trying Citalopram for the past 4 weeks, moving up gradually to now taking 30mg. I think they help with the mental symptoms of anxiety and depression a bit, but the physical symptoms continue to rage on. I am going to give them another month to see if they calm my nervous system down.
If you're still at the stage of trying to understand all this, I would read Claire Weekes books, they describe very well the physical sensations that you are currently scared of, and where they come from.
PM me if you want to chat.
Gareth
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*** I think, therefore I\'m anxious ***