This is my first post here so hope I don't go on to much and bore everybody.
I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks in varying degrees over the past 12 years - sometimes it has been awful such as at the very beginning when I couldn't work, stay at home alone - anything, other times like the last few years it has been manageable - I have been able to work, care for my family etc.
My main problem stems from being alone, while I am witrh people I am usually fine, when I am alone I panic that i will feel anxious/faint/go mad etc and be unable to cope. I think this stems from the fact that as a child I was quite protected- never did much on my own was always collected/dropped off- necver really had a chance to be an adventurous teen (don't get me wrong I had a happy life but a very close family and very sheltered) I got married straight from home and then had hubby to protect me - until I was 38 I had never stayed the night in the house alone !!
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Anyway up until November I was managing ok, holding down a good job where I had recently been promoted, running a home and caring for my two teenagers, still restricted a bit by my comfort zone but few people even realised I had a problem.
In December everything changed - my company moved to a new building . problem 1 - I am on the 2nd floor - not a big deal but I worry I will faint/panic on the stairs so consequently I have to be dropped of to meet a collegue in the morning who walks in with me and during the day I have to be escorted up and down floors. Luckily I have a couple of friends who have been very good but thier patience is wearing thin. I had to tell my employers the problem and althought they are good to a point they have told me that I cannot hold down my job if I can't do it properly - and this means being able to go to different departments whn required.
problem 2 - although the new building is actually closer to where I live and only a bus drive away, I cannot go on the bus so my poor husband takes me to work where I meet my collegue, then pays for parking to park the car near where I work and walks to the station to get the train and start hjis journey, at the end of the day he has to make sure he is outside my building at 5 so he can take me home. This basically means that he leaves more than an hour earlier than he should each day after getting in late. He has a very good job which basically is in jeopardy.
Even if I could walk to the station and wait for him in the cafe there it would help but for the past few weeks I feel unable to do this.
If I don't start to get rid of this problem I am in real trouble, as well as having a pretty miserable life with it at the moment if we both lost our jobs- not inconcievable at the moment we would be in dire-straits with a mortgage and up-coming uni fees to pay for. I know I am also putting my husband under a lot of strain as I do nothing without him - not even stay in the house at the moment, and I know it gets my kids down too.
I know I have to start making steps but at the moment I don't seem to have the strength to start or the luxury of time to do teeny steps, I have to make changes quickly.
Has anybody any ideas of how I can start to turn things around. I really feel as if I am making such a mess of mine and all my families lives.
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