What on earth to do?

[Fly away Katie]

Ok, this isn't going to sound like it belongs on this forum, but the situation i am about tell tell you about is causing me alot of anxiety symptoms. More than ever before :( So I guess it still counts..

I have been with my boyfriend Ant for 18 months now. And we were very, very happy together. It was like a little dream come true.. but then in december, he cheated on me, because he couldnt take my anxiety anymore.. And I cheated on him around the same time (a kiss) But still felt horrendous for it.

Anyway, we tried to let it go and move on.. but I always had trouble trusting him again.. although he found it easy to trust me again.

Its put a massive strain on our realtionship. But weve stayed together.

However.. this guy I used to like ALOT has recently split up with his girlfriend, and we started talking and I found out he really likes me. And to be honest, Id love to be with him, just to see what its like. I mean, I like him ALOT.
However I really dont know what to do, because my current boyfriend means alot to my life.. But i dont know weather ive fallen out of love with him.. I mean, how do you know? Im SO deeply confused.

If anyone can give me any advice, I would be so appreciative. As Ifeel totally alone here. And this situation is making my anxiety flare up like never before :( Thankyou. Katie xxxxxx

[nomorepanic]

Ok well my view is that life is too short to be with someone that you don't know if you love or not.

Why not take the risk with this new guy and see what happens.

At the end of the day you need to be happy and if you are not happy at the moment then something has to change to make that happen.

[Anxious_gal]

the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Just maybe write down the good and bad points of your current relationship.
maybe talk with your boyfriend about the trust issues and where the relationship is headed.
if this new guy wasn't around would you still stay with your current boyfriend?
the new guy has just split up with his girlfriend, he needs time to sort him self out.
(also you don't want to be the rebound girl)

I just think jumping from one relationship to another is too fast, there needs to be some time in between where you can re-find your self, take a break and sort out your priorities

[pinkpiglet]

Okay, so I am guessing you are still pretty young! How old exactly?
Life is for living and your late teens/early twenties are about making mistakes and learning by them. What do you wnat from the next few years?? to be tied into a serious relationship (which will probably not last in the long run anyway)? or do you want to be single and have fun?? I went for the latter of the two and funnily enough I have only been saying tonight how I dont regret a thing!! I am now 35, with a 3 year old boy and due to get married next year. My twenties were certainly not spent thinking about these things though. I loved my freedom and answering only to myself. I was in a serious relationship (or at least thats what i thought) from 17 to 22, my boyfriend was a 'player' and even though i flirted I never cheated on him. Then I woke up and smelt the coffee. I yearned to go out there and explore life, boys and partys and this guy was just holding me back. I could never regret my decison to end it (although I did initially). Whatever experience life throws at you, and whichever ones you decide to catch it as to be your decision and you have to remember that this is the one time in your life when you can get away with it.

Be young! Be foolish!! Be happy!!!

Thats my advice anyway x

[cwoz82]

It's a cruel thing with Anxiety that we already find it hard to trust people completely and it would be remiss of anyone who's in a long term relationship or is married to say they have never been remotely tempted in any way shape or form, but the difference is actually acting on it!
I think that this is a little paradoxial in so much as you are dealing with the aftermath of your boyfriend cheating on you, but you also cheated on him.
Do you have confidence issues?
Is it perhaps that you are finding it hard to ignore this other person because he is showing an interest in you and it's flattering because you maybe feel rejected after your boyfriend cheating on you?
No one can tell you if you still love your boyfriend and 6 months is not a long time to get over cheating, but i have to question that you said your boyfriend means a lot to your life? does he not just mean a lot to you?

The grass is very rarely greener on the other side, and being in a relationship has it's ups and downs, particularly for anxiety and depression sufferers. from time to time i feel withdrawn from my husband, i love him dearly but sometimes i want him nowhere near me and wonder if i love him still...but it's the mind of an anxious person, it plays tricks on you, i persevere and luckily these phases are very short lived and for the most part my hubby and I are extremely close.

Give yourself time, give yourself space to relax, don't over think it, find a distraction - go for a walk, get some fresh air, see friends and family and in time you will see clearer.

Let us know how you're doing

[absentia]

Does this other guy know you very well? I don't think you should cheat as such, but perhaps get to know each other a little more and if you think it could work you need to tell your current boyfriend.

[trish1955]

i agree the grass is not always greener on the other side and yeah some might say your to young to be tied down u should go out ave fun but thats not for evry one some cane ave fun with there partners i to went through a stage after being with my first boyfriend for 2yrs then i got prgnant and we married bk in early 70s i had sufferd anxiety and panic attack at age of 12 did not no nothing about them bk then they was not heard of any way never told my partner so after my baby was born my anxiety was througnthe roof had postnale deppression as well i could not explain anything as i didnt no sl o left him and went bk home to my mums it took me over a year to sought myself out i wish it was all like it is now evry one knows about anxiet panic agraphobia u can tell your partners now days and yeah he went off rails abit bk but you no what he is still there i spent over 30yrs regreting leaving mine i ave had 2 more marriges and believe me out of frying pan in to the fire says it all so like they say think long and hard maybe take a brake and see if you do still want him lv trish