New job progress

[NoPoet]

Hi all, I started a new full time job 2 weeks ago.

I have been unemployed or working on a temporary, part-time basis since I was made redundant from the finance industry 2 years ago.

One reason my unemployment lasted so long was my battle with anxiety, which kicked off in February 2009, and took nearly a year before I managed to get things under control.

Well I suppose I just wanted to let people know that it is definitely possible to get back into the real world without anxiety getting in the way. My training group is much younger than me and there are some very arrogant, immature people - a case of too many personalities, too many egos, and not enough life experience. I have had some problems with immature and annoying kids and sometimes it's like being back in school. I toughed it out and these problems have been mostly resolved.

I've had tough days, I've wanted to walk out once or twice, I still get a twinge of nerves and I unfortunately get quite stressed over silly things, but overall I think I'm doing well and it is very satisfying to know that I now have a direction in my life and there will be some money coming in.

So I've been making savings plans to put money aside for my future and to pay debts off. I forgot how good it feels to know you're having a ton of money coming in each month.

The days of my anxiety already seem like a lifetime ago. I won't be abandoning NMP though, I will still be popping in now and then to try to help other people. I suppose I just wanted to say that you should all keep on going, cos even when you don't expect it, hope survives.

[JaneC]

Glad to hear it's going well, Psycho. I think you encounter @r$eholes in most workplaces but when one's mental health issues are under control, you cope with them better. And I've always met good people too. I've considered asking for my NMP account to be closed a few times lately, but just occasionally find I can maybe help someone in a small way so I'm still here, having not forgotten how desperate I was a year ago. Also wanted to say that although I don't take cit, I recently read some of your guide and was hugely impressed with it - and my job involves sorting out the mess some people make who actually write for a living.

Oops, rambling . You've done so well to get where you are now - keep it up! x

[Veronica H]

this is brilliant news Psycho and your account of returning to work is valuable because many people leave the site once they get to this stage. Well done and best wishes.

Veronicax

[calm]

that is inspirational....well done psycho xxxx

[NoPoet]

Thanks for the support everyone

I should point out I have discussed my job in the Success Stories forum, but I though more people would read about it here and I could go into more depth about my progress so that others might be able to follow.

Funny how the thought of getting a job put me in a wild state of anxiety a year ago! It has been very tough to get this far due to the prats I mentioned above but I have kept the same determination which helped me to recover from anxiety and it is paying off more each day.

Tonight after work I went to the pub with my best work-mate and his girlfriend - one of the few times I have ever socialised with a colleague outside of work. I was again invited to a team night out on Friday and although I said yes today, I fully intend to tell them to stick it on Friday, when they won't have time to give me any grief over it.

Today was a very eventful day which saw someone in my training group get sacked for being crap, the trainer finally seemed to realise that I am really not liking some of the more childish members of the team, and I was made aware that one of the girls had said something about me which resulted in me very publicly venting my wrath on the trouble-causing girls of the group.

On a lighter note, at lunch time I drive some of the lads to the local McDonalds drive-through and placed my order in a Welsh accent:

Voice: "Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order please?"
Me: "I'd like a McDonald's, isn't it!"
(Pause)
Voice: "Sorry?"
Me: "Oh yes of course, I'd like a cheeseburger, isn't it! And a diet coke!"
Voice: "Would you like anything else?"
Me: "No, isn't it!"
Voice: "It's the first window on your right then please."
Craig: "ISN'T IT!"

When we got to the window to pay for our food, the girl looked like she didn't know what to expect. I handed her the money and said "Thanks love" in a very deep Yorkshire accent, then we drove off, where I was overtaken by a diesel Astra that accelerated like something from the British Touring Car Championship.

[NoPoet]

Oh and just in case you are wondering what I said to the girls, I yelled at them down the corridor as we were leaving work:

"Are you ready for more of my meaningless b******t tomorrow? F***ERS!"

[pooh]

nowt like letting off abit of verbal steam LOL

[Maj]

PsychoPoet I'm absolutely delighted for you that you are back in work and seem to be doing so well. Despite the ups n downs of the job and your colleagues behaviour you are so strong in rising above it and carrying on. You should be so proud of yourself. You are a very strong character and are a credit to yourself and I wish you well. Also, I agree, it's great getting a salary each month and makes it all worth it!! Well done you.
Myra x

[NoPoet]

Evening all! Myra, what you said was very kind and made me feel a lot better about myself in light of what has happened at work today!

Pooh - letting off steam can cause very serious trouble!!

Well, after the strong words from before, today was a total disaster which nearly ended up with me getting in a fight!

Basically the training group is at each others' throats all the time, with bitching and murmuring going on constantly. There is one lad and a load of girls who are doing nothing but creating bad feeling for the group and it's the lad who I ended up peeing off; he threatened to break my face and I threatened to run him over. I was completely furious and behaving in a way that disgraced everything I've done over the past 2 years.

The trainer threatened to sack the lad (who has been a trouble causer since day 1) - in fact he nearly got sacked a week ago and I think things would have been a lot better if he did. I apologised to the group and later apaologised privately to the trainer. However, although this lad shook my hand and also apologised, he was overheard telling someone else that he was not sorry at all!

Like I said in a previous post, there are too many rampant egos, and to be honest I think I am coming across the same, cos I always want to be the best and I do not like losing. In reality I do want to be the best, but if I do so at someone else's expense then I am betraying everything I stand for!

However - when the group trouble-causer and one girl from the group beat me in the test by 1 and 2 points respectively, the girl flagged me off and he started boasting.

The trainer (and my friends in the group) tell me the group sees me as a threat or "the one to beat" and it may be that I am coming across as superior. However the reason I'm coming across like this is cos I am fed up of taking crap from everyone every day and I hate it when people get smug for beating me.

I ended up removing 4 people from my Facebook today because we are very far from friends.

This has been a long time coming. I don't think I have got across how bad my group is - noisy and immature know-it-alls who even the trainer told me he hates.

Honestly, it's been 12 days of work and I am questioning for the second time whether I want to stay at this job. Even if things calm down, the people I work with are going to be my team from now on and too much water is under the bridge for any of this to be made right.

The best we can hope for is a hostile truce.

What do people think?

[Oddfish]

Hi Psychopoet,

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time, but I'd say stick it out a bit longer. It's still early days and it is always going to be hard, especially when you've had anxiety and you've ended up with a bunch of idiots.

It does sound like there's a lot of insecurity going on, but it seems as though the trainer is on your side so I don't think you have anything to worry about. Try to rise above it and think of your ultimate goal, and try not to retaliate. I know that is easier said than done because I'm a firecracker when I get annoyed and I've never managed to have the zen calm of others, but watching other's arguements, it's always the calm person that comes out on top so I'm working on it!

Sounds as though they are digging their own graves anyway. Can't believe they are boasting on about an extra point here and there, I mean for heaven's sake! Totally immature. What sort of job are you training for? Is it one where you are expected to have a competitive, go-getting attitude? Are you competing for jobs after your training? If not then it's a waste of energy. Give it a few more weeks and see how things go. Everyone will be more settled then - cliques formed, friends made, enemies established and you'll be in a better position to make a judgement.

I'd hate to see you walk out on something because of other people's behaviour when you have come this far.

Good luck!