Over 24 hour panic attack - desparate

[heavenly]

Well after engineering works and person on the line, we ended up getting 4 trains and a bus into london!!. of course weekends it was extra crowded up there but i coped!!! had small wobble on train when it went underground but i closed my eyes and sang to myself!! felt very spaced out when i was walking around, but after about an hour i managed to relax. The musical was great, there was one small moment when i thought what if i get panicky, i cant get out quick as we were really high up and sat in the middle, but thankfully i was enjoying the mucial so much i manged to get the thought out of my head quickly.

All i all i managed without any anx at all and it upsets me that i can do this yet going into a supermarket leaves me a trembling wreck!

Im feeling really spaced out again today and i hate the way anx is up and down all time.

hope u are having a good day

mandie xx

I am in awe of you, trains, tubes and lots of people! Amazing, give yourself a huge pat on the back, really, Mandie, that is so brave of you and you didn't let your anxiety stop you going to do something fun. Glad you enjoyed the show. Today has been ok, think Olanzapine is doing what I wanted it to, it is keeping me calm, and the more counselling sessions I have, the more stuff I will get out of me that is churning me up inside, and I will come off the meds when I feel strong enough, hopefully sooner rather than later. Hope you are ok this evening, Mandie. xxx

[mandie]

Glad things are going ok for you, i think i need some of that olanzapine lol.

im going disneyparis with my daughter on friday, now thats gonna be a real test for me!!

mandie xx

[heavenly]

im going disneyparis with my daughter on friday, now thats gonna be a real test for me!!

mandie xx

Blimey, will you stop showing off! I thought I did well dragging my other half out for an hour's walk in the countryside today!! lol

Just promise me you will look after yourself, Mandie. I know you are determined not to take anything, and I really understand that, I do, but just promise me you will be good to yourself and if things get too hard, you will go back and see your GP. You seem to be doing amazingly well, so keep up the good work hun. xxx

[mandie]

lol, disney has been booked for months and months, before my anx came back! i have no choice but to go, i cant let my daughter down - im a single parent and i promised her this trip and i cant afford to cancel. It weird but i seem to cope better in places that arnt to familiar.

i wouldnt say it will be a relaxing holiday but be nice to have a change of scenery

i promise i will see my dr, i have a review with him every 4 weeks.

I think if i didnt have my daughter it would be easy for me to shy away from situations and stay at home. but i cant do that when its just me and her.

and u did well going out on your hours walk today to hun!!

mandie xx

[heavenly]

lol, disney has been booked for months and months, before my anx came back! i have no choice but to go, i cant let my daughter down - im a single parent and i promised her this trip and i cant afford to cancel. It weird but i seem to cope better in places that arnt to familiar.

i wouldnt say it will be a relaxing holiday but be nice to have a change of scenery

i promise i will see my dr, i have a review with him every 4 weeks.

I think if i didnt have my daughter it would be easy for me to shy away from situations and stay at home. but i cant do that when its just me and her.

and u did well going out on your hours walk today to hun!!

mandie xx

Well your daughter has a very brave mum and I bet the two of you will have a fab time!

Yes, well it was raining a bit but it was warm, so we just went for it, and I did feel better for doing it.


PS Make sure you get a pic with Mickey and Minnie!

[mandie]

thanks hun. wish i felt brave, all i feel is a failure for having this.

mandie x

[heavenly]

thanks hun. wish i felt brave, all i feel is a failure for having this.

mandie x

Now you can stop that right away, misses! Just remember that you went to London? I can only manage a big walk at the mo. You are dealing with this, its not a magic wand illness, unfortunately, like a broken arm, that just heals. This effects us all in totally different ways and different solutions suit different people. You are doing all you can and you told me that you got 'there' once before as in loads of progress, so you know and I know, you can get 'there' again. I have total faith in you. Be kind to yourself. xxx

[mandie]

thanks hun for that. i am very hard on myself i no, i do feel weak for having this condition. your right, i had a year or so where i managed to control it where i could do anything and go anywhere and i want to be like that again.

hope you are doing ok so far today xx

[heavenly]

thanks hun for that. i am very hard on myself i no, i do feel weak for having this condition. your right, i had a year or so where i managed to control it where i could do anything and go anywhere and i want to be like that again.

hope you are doing ok so far today xx

And you will get there again, Mandie, you will!

I am ok, saw my lovely GP this morning, just for a follow up, she is pleased the Olanzapine has been good for me, she said its a really good drug, non addictive and does the trick. I have given up smoking as well, great timing, I like to make things easy for myself......so she told me to get those plastic ciggies, as she doesn't recommend patches for me as you still get nicotine in you, and I don't want that at all. I don't want any bad stuff going in me, so no ciggies, and no stimulants at all actually. Have my second counselling session tomorrow as well. So baby steps at the mo, but positive ones!

Hope you are ok today, Mandie. xxx

[heavenly]

Just an update from me, Olanzapine still working great, no side effects, sleeping well. Had my 2nd counselling session, lovely lady, she has picked up on a few things, so I know its going to be good working with her.

Next hurdle, back to work on Tues (had 2 weeks off since I had the bad episode). Now, I will keep telling myself the positive stuff 'I like my job, its only part time, its not stressful, its local, I work with my sis'. Silly, isn't it! I don't want to get worked up over going back to work, as I want to go back to work!! lol But its my stupid brain...anyway, have coping techniques to do, and I will take my meds first thing before I go in. And my other half is in Glasgow for the night on the Wed, so again, might think to ask my niece or sis round, for a takeaway that evening, perhaps. Anyway, just will take each day as it comes at the mo!

Hope everyone is having a calm day today. xxx