hi I am 37 yrs of age now and have been on and off anti depressants now all my life I was originally on them (the true reason) I was small when I was a child and had no family support and I grew up with other ppl bullying me and myself trying to fit in with them and their ideas so I was always nervos and I always felt as tho I was not me, in the past few yrs for personal reasons those feelings have disipated and basically I have matured and I accept life on lifes terms, the main reason I went for anti depressants I was suffering from depersonaliation, basically I felt as though I was detached from reality and I thought deep down I had either died and was in some sort of coma and dreaming life and that I was observing myself from somewhere detached or that I was suffering from some unspeakably bad mental illness and I thought I was the only person in the world who felt like this. So I went to the doctor and 1st it was dothipen then paxil then prozac then lustral then back to prozac and finally one last attempt at lustral in december. I tried lustral again one last time and totally free of alcohol for the 1st time cos once over it did work but this time nothing but the feeling of being stoned 24 hrs a day which is worse than anything I have ever known and after 2 months on it that feeling was just driving me proper looney so it had to stop. The one thing that did seem to help was the st johns wort but still I had the feeling of dissasocation (I was not aware at this time of the fact that dissasociation was felt by other ppl so I was still convinced deep down I must be mad) and the anxiety (tho at a less level) and once again the only thing that alleviated it was alcohol and in sept (after some personal problems )I left my job with the idea to sort myself out once and for all and I went into a deep downward spiral of nearly daily drinking to try to alleviate the dissa' and this resulted in an overnite stay in hospital and reaching rock bottom.
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